Overcoming Fear Even the most courageous people have fears to overcome. Are you afraid of something tangible, like spiders or heights? Maybe you fear failure, change or something else thats more difficult to pin down. No matter what it is that scares you, learn how to acknowledge, confront and take ownership of your fear to keep it from holding you back in life. ANALYZE: 1.) Start by acknowledging it. Its easy to ignore or deny our fears, even to ourselves, in a society that stresses the importance of being strong and brave. But courage cant come into play unless you have a fear to face down. By owning your feelings youve taken the first step toward gaining control over the situation. Name your fear. Sometimes fear makes itself known immediately, clearly, and other times its more difficult to name the cause of those anxious feelings lurking in the back of your mind. Let your fear rise to the surface and give it a name. Write it down. Writing down your fear is a way to officially admit that you have a problem you want to overcome. Keeping a journal is a good way to track your progress as you work toward conquering your fear. It can serve as a guide for the next time youve got a problem that needs to be solved. You can overcome fear by facing it every time it comes your way, and, once you decide to make up your mind, your fears will dissolve away. 2.) Define its contours. Approaching your fear as something with a beginning and an end can help you see that you have the power to contain it. If you can clearly see the shape of your fear, youll be able to recognize when its affecting you and handle it more effectively. Answer the following questions to better understand your fear. What is the history of your fear? Did it begin with a negative experience? Is it related to factors that affected your childhood environment? For how long have you been affected by this fear? What triggers your fear? Is it something obvious, like the sight of a snake on a trail? Maybe passing your career counselors office door sends your mind into a downward spiral when you walk down the corridor in your high school. Figure out everything that triggers your fear so you can determine how far it stretches. How does your fear affect you? Does it cause you to stay in bed instead of getting up and going to a class youre afraid of failing? Do you avoid visiting your family in another state because you dont want to get on a plane? Figure out exactly what power your fear has over your mind and behavior. Is the source of your fear actually dangerous? Fear can be a healthy emotion that protects us from harm by causing us to avoid things that are dangerous. Determine whether you have a good reason to be afraid or if your fear is misplaced and inhibiting. For example, when you are afraid to ride that totally extreme roller coaster in the theme park even though all your friends are doing it, your fear may be inhibiting you. If you are healthy and in the correct age range, you can freely ride a coaster without worrying about getting hurt. 3.) Imagine the outcome you desire. Now that you completely understand your fear, think about what exactly you want to change. You already have your big goal set - you want to overcome your fear - but its important to set smaller concrete goals to help you get there. For example: If your fear is commitment, your first concrete goal may be to date someone for longer than a month. If your fear is heights, you may want to be able to go on a hiking trip with the outdoor club at your school. If your fear is going away to college, you could start by setting a goal to apply to three schools. If your fear is spiders, you might want to be able to handle seeing a spider in your bathroom next time that situation arises. CONTROL: 1.) Try gradual desensitization. Oftentimes were afraid of something because we havent been exposed to it very much. Fear of the unknown is a commonly used phrase to describe the automatic aversion people feel to something thats different. If youre afraid of something because its a mystery, try exposing yourself to it in small doses until you gain a better understanding and your fear begins to dissipate. If youre afraid of spiders, start by looking at a badly drawn doodle of a spider done in silly colors. When you can look at that cartoon and control your reaction, move up to photos of spiders. Then try cleaning up dead spiders. As you gain confidence working through each stage of proving to yourself that you can control your phobia, it will diminish until you no longer feel it as anything but a twinge in the most extreme circumstances. If youre afraid of something less concrete, like change, start by slightly changing up your daily routine. Add a morning run every other day, or take the bus instead of driving to work. Youll begin to see that youre capable of handling what life throws at you, and the confidence youll build will help you deal with bigger life changes. 2.) Consider direct confrontation. Sometimes confronting fears head-on is the best way to overcome them. This is particularly useful if theres a particular person or situation youre afraid of. Simply encountering the source of your fears might allow you to see that youve embellished its scarier traits in your head, and in reality theres nothing to be afraid of. Imagine the worst case scenario. Whats the worst that could happen if you jumped off the high dive at the pool, or made an appointment with an accountant to go over your finances? If you know youll come out on the other side alive, well, and proud of your achievement, then go for it. Be prepared to deal with failure. Confronting a fear is hard, and it doesnt always lead to a triumphant conclusion and immediate dissipation of the fear. Youll probably have to confront your fear many times before you can declare it conquered. 3.) Dont let the momentum subside. It takes a certain amount of momentum to deal with fear. When youre faced with setbacks it can be tempting to decide to give up. Stay determined to persevere even when it seems impossible to get past your fear by keeping these pointers in mind: Dont confuse fear with fate. If youre afraid of failure, you might decide that it is your fate not to start the catering business youve always wanted, move away from your hometown or overcome your fear of social interaction. The truth is, you have control of your future. You have the power to determine the path you will take. Resist the temptation to hope things turn out for the best and leave it up to fate. Dont let other people hold you back. Recognize when someone is feeding your fears by telling you youre inadequate or incapable of changing. Surround yourself with people who want you to overcome your fears and reach your potential. THINK DIFFERENTLY: 1.) Make your fear a source of fascination. The same things we fear also incite feelings of exhilaration and even passion. Thats why people enjoy extreme sports, horror movies and swimming with sharks on vacation. Try to re-frame your fear in a positive light and acknowledge the thrill it can offer. When you start seeing fear as a source of energy, you might even embrace its role in your life. Learn as much as you can about the source of your fear. Why does it hold so much power? What can you learn from it? Try confronting your fear with this new perspective in mind. Does it feel different? Some people thrive on the knifes edge of fear and exhilaration. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Cant Stop Talking, used to be afraid of public speaking, but now she makes her living by facing that fear and giving talks to thousands of people around the world. 2.) Start seeing fear as an opportunity. Fear can be used as a tool to help us identify problems and solve them effectively. Its a guidepost, a red flag that warns us when something needs attention. Once the discomfort of the initial wave of fear passes, examine it more closely to see what you can learn. When you feel fear of something unfamiliar, take it as a sign that you need to get to know a person or situation better. If you feel a flash of fear about an upcoming deadline or event, make it an opportunity to make a plan of action to get fully prepared, whether that means getting started on a paper, rehearsing for a play or practicing a speech. If youre afraid of water, think about the possibilities that will be open to you once you overcome the fear. Let the thought of swimming and boating with your friends keep you motivated to take this opportunity to enrich your life. A PLACE 1.) Let yourself be afraid sometimes. Theres no way to completely eliminate fear from your life. Its as valid an emotion as joy or sadness. Fear builds character and teaches us how to act with courage. Dont be hard on yourself if you have a lot of fears. Fear is a natural response to situations that are out of our control, and feeling it just means youre human. Dont push yourself too far. If you are extremely afraid of something that you can avoid frequently encountering, like tarantulas, you may not need to force yourself to overcome that fear. Its important to work on overcome fears that limit your life, but dont stress yourself out about those that have no real effect on you. 2.) Celebrate your victories. Dont wait until your fear has been completely overcome to give yourself a pat on the back for your effort. Celebrate each milestone, whether you told a story to a group of people at a party, saw a spider and realized you didnt want to run away, or took a trip to a different city by yourself for the first time. When you see how good it feels to gain an edge on your fear, youll be ready to face the next one head-on. Evonne Walton
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 15:23:39 +0000
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