Overview This page is about how to cope with living with CKD on a daily basis, both from an emotional and a practical perspective. The fact that CKD is ultimately terminal can be very hard to deal with. You may also be worried about how much to put your cat through, bearing in mind your cats personality and the costs involved - looking after a CKD cat may sometimes require a lot of your time and energy and sometimes money. However, in most cases people and cats do learn to cope, and seeing how your cat improves and then stabilises makes it well worth it in most cases. Getting Started Back to Page Index If youve just received the diagnosis, youre no doubt feeling scared and frightened. Youre worried you cant do this, and you may well be feeling guilty for not noticing sooner thar your cat is sick. Remember, its not actually possible to notice CKD until at least 66% of kidney function has already gone - thats the nature of the disease, so you have nothing to feel guilty about. Even if you still think you have something to feel guilty about (food choices are a major source of guilt, even though food does not cause CKD), ditch it anyway, because it uses up valuable energy which you need for the journey ahead. And your cat loves you whatever you did or didnt do. If youre not sure how much you and your cat can cope with, I would suggest that you opt for a trial period of, say, one month, during which you treat your cat to the best of your ability, and according to your financial limitations, and then review the situation. With luck your cat will be stable and happy and you will both be getting into a routine that works for you both. If your cat is critically ill, I would still give yourselves a minimum of two weeks of treating proactively before making any irrevocable decisions. What is the Emotional Rollercoaster? Back to Page Index The emotional rollercoaster refers to the mixed emotions you will feel as you care for your CKD cat. When your cat is doing well, you will feel good but will probably also be wondering how long it will last; and when your cat is poorly, you will feel emotionally drained and very frightened. These ups and downs are referred to on Tanyas CKD Support Group as the emotional rollercoaster. This page talks about how to cope with the rollercoaster ride. taking care of yourself worrying about the future (anticipatory grief) online support working with your vet if people around you do not understand Taking Care of Yourself One of my support group members, Stephanie, wrote We cannot control whether they will die, because they will, as all living things do, but oh boy, can we control the way in which they live. Although this is good news, it is also a big responsibility, and occasionally things will get on top of you, particularly if you have little or no support at home. Some people cope better than others, depending upon their own personality or how well their cat is doing; but everybody living with CKD needs some level of support at some stage of the disease. You have to accept that you are going to have days when you feel overwhelmed, when you really do not think you can cope anymore, or when you feel you dont want to live this way anymore. You know what? - it is perfectly fine to feel that way. You are caring for a chronically ill family member, and facing the eventual loss of a treasured friend, a major emotional trauma. Accept that you may feel this way, and that it is fine to do so; and just get through the bad days the best you can. Be kind to yourself and accept that somethings probably got to give. Yes, your home may in part resemble a pet food or hospital supply store, but as long as its hygienic, who cares. Focus on the important things: make sure you get enough sleep, eat properly, keep things clean, hang on to your job if you have one and care for your family. Anything else is a bonus. Your cat may not act exactly the same, which you may find scary at first, fearing a crash. We all want things to be the way they were before, but life is all about change, and we must go with the flow. Dont focus on the numbers or hope for your cat to get better - instead, focus on trying to make your cat as comfortable and happy as possible, and savour your time together. Eventually you will both learn to accept this new normal. Try to get into a routine, but dont sweat it if things slip sometimes. Consistency is the goal, not perfection. Cats are very forgiving. If youre having a really bad day, or if sub-Qs dont go too well one day, take a day off. I would always give blood pressure or heart medications and make sure your cat eats, but otherwise the occasional day off should not be a problem for either of you. If you are feeling stressed, take a hot bath, buy yourself a book or whatever, and most importantly, give your cat a big hug and tell yourself that having to live with CKD is much, much superior to the alternative. Consider using Bach Flower Remedies (see Holistic Treatments) for yourself on days like this. Dont forget, your cat can pick up on your mood, so try also to focus on the fact that you do still have your cat with you, and try to enjoy his or her presence. Dont only interact with your cat by medicating and giving fluids. Stroke him/her, talk to them, tell them how you are trying to help. Many people find the bond with their cat is deepened as they progress along the CKD journey together, and find that they develop as a person whilst learning how to care for their beloved cat. Special Needs Pets discusses how caregivers need care too. Helpguide has an article on recognising and controlling stress. Dear Mom is an article which will probably make you smile wryly when you realise it could well have been written by your cat. Worrying About the Future (Anticipatory Grief) Anticipatory grief means that you worry about and grieve over losing someone you love before they have actually gone. When you are caring for a terminally ill cat it is common to panic if your cat is having an off day, even though ups and downs are very common in CKD. But sometimes its even worse than that, and you find yourself worrying even on good days. You worry so much about what is around the corner, and how you will cope, that you forget to enjoy the time you have together now. You may begin to focus more on your cats illness than on your cat, forgetting that this is still the cat you know and love, even though his or her behaviour may be a little different. I did this all the time with Tanya (though I was a little better with Thomas). I spent much of my time sobbing, as I envisaged life without Tanya, and I forgot to focus on the fact that right at that moment we were still together. Yet all that worrying and sobbing did not change the course of her disease, or postpone her death. When I look back now, I wish I had spent less time fearing the future and more time living in the present, stroking and holding my lovely girl. You may also find yourself trying to distance yourself emotionally from your cat, in a sub-conscious effort to spare yourself pain when he or she dies. But it doesnt work, you are going to feel pain at that time anyway, so you may as well try to enjoy your time together now, in fact try to savour every moment, enjoying your cats uniqueness. Try to take it a day at a time rather than thinking too far ahead. When you get up each day, if your cat seems relatively stable, give thanks and resolve to enjoy the day. If worrying thoughts enter your mind, send them away, telling yourself yes, s/he will die, but not today. When Harpsie was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and the vet said he might only have a week or two to live, I made a conscious decision that I was going to do my best not to do anticipatory grieving. I figured if we didnt have much time left, I was going to savour and cherish every moment, and anyway, there would be plenty of time for tears later. So each day I would get up, and be glad Harpsie was still there, and if he would eat breakfast (I was very lucky that he did keep eating) and his breathing was no worse (he had secondary lung cancer), and he seemed reasonably comfortable, Id say to myself I dont think today is the day, and then Id focus on enjoying his company. Of course I would get bad moments if he became subdued later in the day or something like that, and sometimes Id get upset anyway, because the thought of losing him was so horrible. But I did largely avoid anticipatory grief, and Im so very glad I did. I now have memories of our last two weeks together of him eating as I held the plate for him, of little chats where I told him how much I love him, rather than of me sobbing into his fur coat all the time (though I did this sometimes, of course). So do try if at all possible to just live in the moment and not worry too much about tomorrow. But of course theres nothing wrong with expressing your sorrow and fear sometimes too, bottling it up is not good for you. Anticipatory grief often includes bargaining. When Harpsie was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my bargain was OK, I accept I have to lose him, but I would at least like to be allowed to keep him until June please. In fact, we had to have Harpsie put to sleep on 23 May because of breathing difficulties. My bargain was not a bargain at all, because the situation was completely beyond my control - Harpsies cancer progressed at a rate that had nothing to do with me. The Pet loss link below does have some information on the types of bargains which are more likely to be helpful to you. I know all this is easier said than done, but this quotation might help you to live in the moment:
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 23:01:41 +0000
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