P-They Are Gone: They are gone those faces in the dark and I am happy but sad in this for I knew they for a short time, they have effected and affected me more than their lived, loves and deeds, other than our time together as friends and some as lovers, but love not of lust but friendship. But now they fade and I am at peace, but sad in their final passing for what of them and their deaths? I move on and live but how much pain has come from their deaths some self inflected, others by misstep. Some by some one elses hand and deeds. But they held me for years for their effect and lives, lasting longer than their lives was, but I measure much by their passing and the result of their passing and my knowing them. Now to walk in the daylight, to love myself once again, forgiven not by them for they are beyond any thing mortal and forgiveness is not theirs to give but for me to forgive myself for misdeed or just ignorance and knot knowing how to do more or to know the danger of their words and acts. But I know the effect, the pain unending what if I have screams and dwelling on for many hours long and hard but nothing comes back but more darkness and it MUST end for in the dwelling I have lost myself, dwelling in darkness hating one self until all I have is my self loathing and pain. Crying always never feeling more than the obsession of the pain of their passing and what I could have done better. To honor them by living and not dying to move on and help others know the happiness of living and not dying in darkness and wander down paths foul and insane. Lost in the morase of depression and dead to all but the strongest emotions and feelings forces to hurt one self to just feel anything, to know anything and to hate oneself continually for what? Something that some else did and now long gone but me a victim still of their passing or almost hateful leaving of this life. Not trusting or just not helping me to help them. So now, we shall see, live, be happy do not solve small problems with permenent solutions. Think of the others you leave behind and do you hate them as much as what you left them with? So please live, and its not all bad, okay! We just over simplify in the black and white, dark and light, happy and lack of. So if not for self, them for me friends, loved ones or even those you hate, for if anything you by living will show your love for those who love you, and annoy the hell out of those who hate you and give them purpose by hating you! But in this I LIVE! Mike Alaska 2009
Posted on: Thu, 29 Aug 2013 02:53:16 +0000
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