PAGE 17 - The Pressure The nurse wakes me with the movement of my arm, staring at the automated stand in front of here giving her all the information on my situation. “You must have been having a good dream, you were smiling” She says tapping buttons, to which I just lightly nod and smile feeling the tear in my eye. It seemed like yesterday in my mind. Where does the time go? We push for the time to move quickly every week waiting for that weekend and we miss a majority of our lives. I lay here thinking of all the time I’d missed. All the Mondays I disliked when they could have been just as great as any Saturday had I paid attention. Why does it have to end. Life is like a dream...we have to watch it, because it goes by so quickly. “Dad” I hear Hopes voice as she enters the room. I want to tell her that I was just remembering meeting her and how it feels like yesterday when she first hugged me. I want to thank her for being a wonderful daughter and incredible wife and mother and how proud I am to have her in my life, but I can only look at her. She walks up slowly and touches my cheek. “I was sure Guinn would have shaved you by now. I’m sure she’ll be coming through soon. “ She smiles and lightly wipes the tear from my eye as I see tears form in hers. “Hi hita” I say with a gurgle. “How’s my hita linda” (pretty girl) I say. “I’m good Dad, I would be better if you were at home on your recliner” she says trying to smile. I feel the pressure in my chest as it builds. Yea honey, that would be nice” I say as I lightly cringe. “are you okay she tells me?” . I have to pause because the pressure builds and it is increasingly hard to breath, but I want to show no pain. The pressure subsides. “Yea” I say as we sit in silence for a moment. “Everyone is here….” she says as she pauses because she knows the question that’s coming. “Lynda?” I say. “No Dad, Ben called her twice already and left voice mails.” I know full well Ben and everyone else have been calling my eldest daughter since I came in, but I just nod my head. “I’m sure she’s on her way.” Again I nod. “Listen” she says as she holds my hand. “I know that you know how appreciative I am of bringing me into this family and how this family has become everything Ben and I live for.” She says with a sniffle. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen if you leave” she says as she starts to break down. “I mean, we all rely on you for our happiness, our laughs, and your wisdom. I rely on you for guidance. You know what I’ve been through and you know me. I can be crazy and bi-polar and still you help Ben deal with my nonsense. What if he decides he can’t take it? “ She starts to cry, so do I . “Hita, Ben will never leave you. This family will never leave you.” I whisper as her head lies close to my shoulder. “But who is he going to talk to about us? I always know where he’s at when were mad and now I won’t. I’m just so lost now.” She breaks down again on my shoulder. He better not ever leave her I think, but the the pressure starts to build and I hear the monitor start to beep, louder and faster. I hold my breath as there is no purpose in fighting the pressure that I feel on my chest. Like someone Is sitting on me and I can’t move. I feel my hand go tight on hers…..then blackness. Hope stands up as she sees Ben tense up. The alarms start going off and immediately she stands. A rush of nurses and doctors enter the room and frantically ask her to clear the room. She stands there looking at the only father she’s ever known, a man so strong in his life yet now so fragile. She feels them leading her away as her hands cover her mouth and tears stream down her cheeks. “NO DADDY, NO!!” she cries, arms reaching as they pull her out of the room.
Posted on: Thu, 18 Jul 2013 19:37:35 +0000
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