PARENTS AND LOVED ONES MUST READ hope it helps you understand a bit... Great Piece from a book Im reading, Biting Anorexia. Here it is... If you attack me I get defensive. The anorexic voices wheedle their way into my brain and tell me that the family would be better off without me. THIS IS NOT EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL, if your thinking that right now. That is the way it is, and if you think I am playing you, that is only further evidence of your ignorance in relation to how this nightmarish disorder works. It plays with my mind. Sometimes when I speak it is not entirely me. It is my anorexic self. I dont expect either of you to understand this. When you get angry with me, I get a strong urge to retreat back into the familiar behaviors of the eating disorder. Because, it understands me and it doesnt judge. It comforts me and doesnt threaten. Anorexia isnt all about attention. It took virtually everything from me, and Im only just starting to recover bits back. It is a perverse addiction and it holds on to you very tightly. Im not deliberately sabotaging my life, I mean come on. Anorexia latches on, lies to you, and makes you believe that it is your true identity, your TRUE calling. You may scoff...again you cant understand, anorexia steals your self. And to claim your original self back you have to execute this anorexic self youve come to feel secure in..thats hard. This isnt about weight, or a diet, or figure..Somewhere along the line, Ive come to equate fat with failure and weakness. Weight loss is merely symptomatic of the greater psychological problem.I need you to stop the accusations of emotional blackmail, stop trying to force feed me, stop the comments of my erratic eating , and stop the odd glances when I eat at weird times. STOP the assumption that all of this is my fault and I could snap out of it if I wanted. All I need you to do is SUPPORT ME. Thats it. Thats all you can do.. you cant magically erase this disorder. You cant fix this, that is why so many people with loving families die from this, I just need you to be there for me nonjudgemental and unconditionally..you cant make me want this..but I need you...
Posted on: Sun, 01 Dec 2013 23:48:10 +0000
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