PART 2: ...my mom doing the ice bucket challenge in 1966-68: Children in the Belly of the Beast By Barbara Kegin Bishop If I am writing these memoirs for my grandchildren and those that come after, I think it is important for you to know the life that your mom or dad or grandparents grew up in. Children that grow up in a family that is experiencing a terminal illness are called upon to grow up just a little quicker; live under just a little more stress and take on more responsibility than their friends and classmates. The funny thing is they are not aware that they are different in any way. Children are so accepting of life as they find it. My children were no different. Ann, my oldest was such an important part of these years that I would like to write about her. She was in high school and going through all the angst and trials of that age. Aside from being my daughter, she was my right hand and even my co-conspirator when the situation called for it. Fortunately, she did have some very good friends that were there for her as she was for them. I depended on her way too much. We all did. When John could no longer drive his territory, on several occasions he had her drive him. She just had her learners permit and had not had that much experience driving. Her dad was always urging her to go faster, yes, you can pass this car, etc. I would have been a nervous wreck if I had known. I let her drive much more than I would have if I hadnt needed her to take Lisa and Johnnie to lessons or practice or run to the grocery store. It was at this time that John sold the pony express as the Chrysler New Yorker was now called, and bought a 1960 Rambler Ambassador station wagon from a widow lady. It had 25,000 miles on it and four new tires and he paid $400. It was unique in that it had a push button transmission...buttons were to the left of the dash but ours was totally stripped of any other options....no padded safety dash, ours was hard metal. It didnt even have a radio. Ann petitioned her dad and he bought a used radio at the salvage yard for $10, and she paid Rick Wilson $5 to install it one day after school, as long as it played WHB 710 out of Kansas City she was content. One day she was driving the Rambler up by the High School. Those old brick street intersections had some good dips and she hit the dip too hard and the car bounced up in the air. She didnt realize it, but the battery did not have a tie down and it fell out of the battery tray and hit the fan and put a hole in the radiator but I believe she still drove it home. Son John tells me, I remember it was really an ugly oxidized green color, and I thought I would try and bring it back to life by waxing it. I put wax all over it and got distracted and left it out baking in the hot sun....the wax baked on and from that point on it was a really dull oxidized puke green color....like pond scum...it was promptly named The Turtle. Ann had five best friends that come to mind. Cindy Schmeltz, Tammi Naughton, Kathy Ratcliff, Donnie Gates and Mike Bauer. They were all platonic friends who enjoyed one anothers company with no pressure and Ann felt she could just be herself. She and Donnie were inseparable and he spent so much time at our house that his parents thought we surely must have him under some kind of wicked spell. The two of them would go to the grocery store and put on some kind of play for the benefit of the shoppers around them and pretend to be husband and wife. Do you think we should get this kind of detergent, darling? No dear, I would prefer beating our clothes on a rock. That sort of nonsense. Cindy and Tammi lived out in the country and they were involved in a lot of after school activities so it was easier for them to stay with us on a good many nights. Ours became a second home for them and we loved having them. Ann, being the oldest, shouldered the biggest share of the burden of being a child in a family that was gradually losing the main provider and protector. The mother is next in line to assume that position but, being new to that job, help was needed and, unfortunately for Ann, that help came from a high school girl that should have had nothing to think about but clothes and boys. Maybe a little school work. The next available shoulder that would be called upon to take on additional burdens was son John. He was in Jr. High and trying hard to maintain his position as a really cool teenager. At home he took on the physical chores that his father could no longer do. He was a prime player in our hog operation and took on most of the responsibility for our pony. He was the general manager of the menagerie and helped with the household maintenance. It was at this time he discovered the guitar and began to get serious about music. It was the start of his pursuit of mastery over that instrument that has stayed with him until this day. For a little town, Chanute was host to a lot of musical groups that were popular in the 60s and we had some pretty well known groups that performed there thanks to Vernon McCune. He was a local entrepreneur who owned a sporting goods store and had a passion for entertainment, specifically bringing the bright lights of celebrity stardom to small town America. Sam the Sham and Jimmy Page and the Yardbirds ignited the rock music spark for Johnnie. I even saw Liberace and Dorothy Lamour there. He did resort to a little acting out with his teenage cohorts (refer to his account of the water tower caper) but that probably would have been the case whatever our situation at home. His buddies were a great support for him even though they didnt realize it. His two best friends were Dick Evans and Russ Herron. Russell told me recently that he didnt realize at the time how serious things were at our house. That made me feel like we succeeded in keeping things as normal as possible. Lisa was only eight in 1968 so she happily went on with her little girl life. She was enrolled in Dodie Moores dance class with costumes, recitals and all that jazz. It was a good distraction for all of us. She was always easy and adaptable and her dad babied her much more than the other two. She was so agreeable about any chore you would give her. Lisa, would you dust the living room? Yes, of course, she would pleasantly reply and then she would disappear for the next two hours and the dusting would never get done. She was so aware of my short memory span and knew I would forget the order had ever been given. She had her own little friends that kept her in the midst of an active social life, a position that she maintains to this day. Our friends, the Abbotts and McNeills, had daughters her age and they would take her home with them if things got too serious at our house. The days passed and we were able to maintain a fairly routine schedule with a few extraordinary things thrown in from time to time. The one thing that was not negotiable was family dinner every night. Meat, starch, vegetable and some sort of hot bread even though John did not join us. His appetite was so non-existent it was a day by day thing according to what he thought he wanted. We had a friend at Olsons Market in the meat department, Merle something; sorry the last name has left me. He would buy frozen lobster tails by the case and split a case with us. I think our half was $13. Obviously, they were not nearly as expensive then as they are now. Sometimes John wanted egg yolk sandwiches another time olive butter. One time he almost cried because he wanted round steak, which I cooked, but then we were out of Heintz 57 sauce. It was such a little thing but little things become big in tense situations and the trigger can be something inconsequential. We both momentarily gave in to the despair and hopelessness. Why cant you fix what I want? I cant do everything and then a burst of emotion that came from our hopeless situation and not from Heintz 57 Sauce. He was drinking a lot of bourbon, which was a blessing and a curse, but it did dull his appetite and made it harder to keep him eating. The remarkable thing about going through such an extraordinary experience is how very ordinary it seemed at the time. You go through your day minute by minute; you still laugh and find fun things to do. Your friends still come by for drinks or coffee and conversation and life seems worthwhile and full. There are a great many very hard things but they are doable. Gehrigs disease is a disease that takes your muscles and physical ability but it does not dull your mind or spirit. The person that you love remains available to you for advice and support. You remain partners until the end, which you know, is coming very soon and that is something it is better not to think too much about. The one thing I absolutely could not allow my mind to linger on was what John must be thinking as he was slowly advancing toward the inevitable. To dwell on that would have brought me to my knees. In the meantime we had these three children we had created in times of passion and joy with no thought that our life as a family would ever end. They were everything you would want them to be. My children are your ancestors and that was what life was like for them in the year 1968.
Posted on: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 13:38:06 +0000
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