PTSD ENLIGHTENMENT---------------------------All of a sudden there was total chaos, as the cries from the wounded soldiers were being silenced by the helicopters as if they were fighting to drown each other out. I could feel the ground shake, while the surrounding terrain harmoniously trembled with the thundering sound of every explosion. The sight of rising smoke along with the sounds of gunfire whistling threw the bush told me that the enemy was advancing. Our commanding officer shouted at us to fire back with everything we had to keep them from gaining ground . The unforgettable smell of death was also in the air, which told me that men had died and many more probably would before this was over. As I stood watch, while defending the bunker I was also silently praying to God, to help me through another day of this man made hell. When all of a sudden I saw a rocket propelled grenade heading right for us, I screamed to my brothers “ Get Out!!! Get Out Now!!! ”, as we scrambled for safer ground. Then I awoke, only to find my self bouncing of the floor, I quickly realized that I had tossed myself out of bed while acting out another seemingly real nightmare. I also noticed the throbbing pain coming from my arm. As I examined it, I saw a large amount of blood slowly mixing with the sweat on my now drenched body flowing from a gash in my right arm . By now this was a nightly occurrence, as the trauma of combat kept replaying over and over in my dreams. I really didn’t know how much more I could take, as it had gotten so bad that I was afraid to fall asleep.. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD has taken everything I have, my wife, my job, and even the dog was unwilling to sleep in my proximately when night time came around. When I enlisted I was strong and proud to serve my country and now on most days I feel troublesome and worried while trying to move beyond this part of my life as I will do later today in group therapy, which will also give me the opportunity to see those from my old platoon, I just wish it was for different reasons. Realizing that time was running short, I jumped in the shower, cleaned myself up, and after a quick lunch it was off to therapy. Our group was composed of about 15 veterans, several from my old platoon who were dealing with PTSD and a variety of other issues that were related to it. We have often wondered if any of us would ever over come it do to the hopelessness that was constantly trying to rob us of our faith, which was demonstrated by the occasional enthusiasm we had when ever someone would share a story about the combat veteran who had been cured of this malady. We had also thought of how helpful it might have been to have a therapist who had recovered from PTSD? Up till now that wasn’t in Gods plans and we would have to make do with Mary, despite her lack of empathy and understanding for our troubles, as she seemed to cringe at the very thought of taking a life, regardless of the reason? After a long drive I was now arriving at the veterans hospital, I grabbed my notes and took a seat in the usual room with my fellow vets. And then it happened just as we noticed that Mary hadn’t arrived? In walked a highly respected old friend and drill sergeant from the boot camp that many of us had attended. We were nothing short of shocked to see him here, and had no clue to the reason of his presence. His name was literally, SGT. Bad Ass. I swear, as he had changed it many years ago during his tour in the Nam, none of us had ever forgotten him as he was the reason that some of us were alive today, do to his attention to detail. Finally we had caught up with one another and it was time for group to start and this is how it started. Hello Soldiers, My name is SGT. Bad Ass; Mary has asked if I would sub for her today, some of you know me and some of you dont. Im here to share with you what others have shared with me, or how to over come PTSD, It has been almost 6 years since I have had an occurrence. My friends I’m not going to lie to you, it won’t be easy? Though if you’re willing to make an effort it can be done. First of all there is no trauma known to mankind that can’t be resolved. The thing that makes PTSD so difficult is that it’s a repetitive trauma, or what you may call magnified. There are 3 things you will need to do, the First is talk and journal about your fears, as I can honestly say there has never been a time in my life that I was more afraid then when I was in combat, and if anyone tells you differently there probably lying. You need to understand that our trauma is created by the repressed fear, judgment, guilt and shame from that experience. Second, you’re going to have to find forgiveness in every aspect of your life as it relates to your military and combat experience or if you’re still blaming persons, places or things for anything that happened? Whether it was the enemy or a fellow solider or maybe just some unfortunate situation? You will need to let it go, or better yet repeat after me, “I will let it go”. And third you’re going to have to learn how to cry. Because trauma has a physical element to it and needs to be alleviated or brought out by our tears, as chemistry has proven by the different chemical makeup of tears associated with trauma versus ordinary tears of joy. When it finally happened for me, I can honestly say I have never cried that hard in my life, it had been triggered while talking about how scared I had been. To put it simply I had to FEARLESSLY FORGIVE AND FORGET.. Like I have said, It’s OK to be afraid, scared and fearful as everyone is at sometime in life. Well that’s all for our session today. My friends its time to close with a short veterans prayer that God and I have wrote.. Dear lord , if there is any place in life, that I need forgiveness, please forgive me, for anyone I might have harmed, please forgive me, for those who have tried to harm me, I forgive them and for all of us who have taken a soldiers or civilians life during combat, please forgive us, and last but not least its OK that I survived. AMEN - Dear God I humbly ask you to remove my shortcomings, Take away my unresolved fears along with my resentment, guilt and shame that goes along with it, help me to be humble and teach me how to cry my lord AMEN https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10501975_10201365431177279_464173025018471764_n.jpg?oh=be2fd4ab6e7af78122605ddebaa71686&oe=548A5338&__gda__=1422461327_af05895e8c2733fafb7c0448d8293c85
Posted on: Wed, 22 Oct 2014 18:54:28 +0000
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