Part 2 of 5 We teach our children how not to experience something fully and then we label and medicate them when they can’t seem to focus. • We send them over to the other parent’s house exclaiming, “Oh, I will miss you so much while you are gone,” and then the child spends half the time at the other parent’s house worrying how lonely and upset the other parent is. They may have visions of the “missing” parent crying, missing them so much, unable to enjoy their time fully because they are too busy worrying about the other parent’s experience. We teach our children to always feel like something is missing. • We get out of one relationship and then we get right back into the “same” type of relationship with someone else. Or we go for completely different! Either way and with each relationship, no matter who it’s with; when our current partners show us his or her human self, we compare, complain and pine for what we no longer have, when we didn’t enjoy what we had when we had it! This translates into never enjoying our moments fully or never being fully present to the person in front of us. • We watch a child grow and develop, and we have reverence for the process, yet we have no reverence, tolerance, time or patience for the emotional evolutionary process of growth and development that needs to happen inside of marriages or inside of divorces or our remarriages. • We treat our children like partners and our partners like children. • We ignore our pain, bury it, and pretend it doesn’t exist. We hide behind children, using them as an excuse for why we can’t move on. Worse, we use them like bait on a fishing rod to attract a potential parent for them versus trying to attract a partner for us who will eventually be a good stepparent. • We set our new relationships up to be stressful and chaotic because we didn’t take the time to process our emotions, then we get mad at our new partner for expecting us to be fully present to them.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 16:02:21 +0000
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