Peace with Ourselves and Being One with God How do we reconcile between what God wants us to be with what we are? A question Ive been asking myself ever since I first became aware of spirituality and the frightening realisation that Im not what God wants me to be in many ways. A working conscience cant be deceived which is why conscientious people will have the hardest time in life. It could be said that I like many people have my good points. I like to be kind and generous. I have an affinity with animals and make contributions to animal welfare organisations. Ive had great affection for people in my time both male and female. Ive never though gender should be a barrier to love in its purist form. I believe in God. I champion the cause of Christianity. Ive helped many people to feel good about themselves. I despise discrimination, cruelty, selfishness. And above all hypocrisy. So whats the problem one may ask, everything sounds ok to me, apart from the gender remark which will raise some eyebrows from my more cognitive deficient colleagues who have yet to distinguish love from lust. The problem is this, Ive found in life that so called goodness tends to come in waves. Something that is displayed in the right situation, with the right people, in the right place. But what happens with things are not so right. We can never predict what area of mental enticements we will be in at any given time can we. Depending on the issue I can be petty, selfish, greedy. When people Ive loved deserted me Ive become filled with rage, despising them and all who are with them. Even to the point to wishing death on them. Ive lost my temper with others using every four lettered word in the book and making up some as well. Sometimes Im angry with God for asking more then I can give. At times I wished I didnt know the truth so I can live as I wish to. I have this other side to my character which flys in the face of what I purport to be or more importantly what is expected of me. Becoming the hypocrite I so hate in others. Many Christians just simply write all this off as human imperfections and that everyone including God will be understanding. Throw yourself on the ransom and all will be well Others think if your in a constant air headed ignore the details positive state of mind that will solve it. Only have to read the comments on facebook to see all the vomit inducing remarks from brothers like oh your so beautiful isnt your life so wonderful Well actually no we arent all so beautiful especially when we get old and frumpy and most times our lives arent so wonderful either. We never hear comments like hey pull your head in and grow up No just a constant barrage of happy fluffy mush that hides the real truth of the situation. The number of fellow Christians I know who are divorced, separated, kids not in the truth, money worries you name it but hey if we talk baby talk all the time it will make it nice and ok. As time goes on we see Christians trying to deal with reality by dumbing themselves down to that of wide eyed children hoping that spontaneity and excitement can be restored to their life by ignoring the facts of life. But is it that simple? Maybe for the simple minded, and we have a lot of those these days for sure. But God doesnt want us to be simple, he wants us to be complex and self aware, mature and alert. So here in lies the paradox. By doing what God wants of us we actually reveal ourselves as to what we truly are, something that God doesnt want us to be. The more we try to be a Christian the more a conscientious person realises that he or she isnt. This is not a situation that can procure a great deal of personal peace. So how can a Christian bring peace to themselves at the same time being at one with God. How can we see clearly in a world saturated by murky doubts. Well if anyone out there has the answer be sure to let me know because I certainly dont know. I dont think there can be an answer to it. The clear objective of Christianity and Gods absolute favour is something we cannot attain. Some will say well as long as your motives are true. Ive written quite extensively on motives in previous essays. The problem with motive it too can fluctuate between right or wrong depending on the issue. True our motives can have a genuine positive desire to enrich a situation with goodness or they can be a product of a self serving wants. Something that benefits us at the expense of someone else or at the cost of moral integrity. I suppose the closest you could get to inner peace is simply by not caring, a policy we see well practiced in the world today but not an option for the spiritually inclined. We need to be aware of truth and where we fit in within that truth. Our obligations, the debts we owe. Knowing all these obstacles and yet demanding of ourselves the ability to achieve atonement so we can stand before God. Can that be done? Its madness to think that after six millenniums of demonic rule that one can think we are not touched by Satan in some form or another. Badness can at times be a seduction, a rush, not just something that we fall into now and then but something we actually want to be in, something that empowers us and enthrals us. And afterwards comes the never ending tsunami of guilt. Relentless, tearing into us like piranhas into a corpse. The depth of that guilt is the only benchmark we can use to determine what spirituality we have. If you have no guilt, you have no spirituality. I marvel at how my fellow believers think that putting on a tie and attending a meeting or a large convention makes all that go away. Turning up to such events and then lying up the rest of the week half dead after having done so (some even dying during it) I could never understand why our pain has to be the price for Gods favour or so we assume. We elevate ourselves by reading the text for the day and confidently exclaim yes thats me, no problem here Being comfortable with oneself only reinforces ones arrogance. Oscar Wilde once said that all the worlds a stage How true a statement. We are just that, actors. Acting the good Christian when we are on stage. But then being our real selves when not. Yes its true as stated before our motives and intent can be legitimately good and well meaning, but compared to what is demanded of us its still a small percentage showing on the what we must do to be a Christian scale. So, we act the rest to make up the shortfall. Ive seen this myself many a time, many a year with many a believer including myself. No human will ever know our real flaws especially since we may deny the inner person even to ourselves. All of us will go to our graves with secrets. The only real comfort (not peace) that we can get for all this is knowing that God tolerates the more as we lack for more. Only hope we got I would think and the only truly honest acknowledgement we can make. Deceiving ourselves with nonsense doesnt change the truth of the matter. What we all need is a strong dose of courage to face the reality of life and how we fit in it. Reality will always win in the end so lets learn how to live with reality and stand up to it. Rolling with the punches but giving a few back as well. Because if we dont all the wishy washy mushy fluffy speak and rose coloured glasses as thick as tank armour wont save us.
Posted on: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 07:59:47 +0000
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