People, like me, who have chronic progressive and terminal disease know we are going to die. The process for us will be slow because we take our meds. How painful it will be is still to be seen/felt. When we hear anyone comment we all have to die someday it hurts. We know all life is terminal but you can not compare our death from our disease with yours or the death anyone else will face. We deserve a long full normal life as many of you will have but we are limited by the pain from our chronic illness. In my case, I am limited to what my pulmonary hypertension allows me. I used to roam all over the island of Puerto Rico, which I call home. I would attend art fairs, or just visit different towns for fun. Now, such freedom is a thing of the past. I can not drive for fear of losing consciousness from lack of oxygen, many art fairs take place in out mountainous regions. I would sell my hand carved wood figures at these fairs. I cant carve wood figures anymore because I am on blood thinners to keep me alive. The blood thinners help my heart beat easier but if I cut myself I could be disastrous. Now I can barely walk around my house without getting short of breath.. I walk around lugging an o2 tank to help me breathe. I have inhaled meds that are awkward to carry around (tyvaso) of which I must inhale 9 puffs 4 times a day just to help me stay alive. A simple cold could kill me, since coughing limits my ability to breathe. It is not easy to take a deep breath when you are constantly coughing and you nose is stuffy. I miss my old normal life and all the things I used to take for granted. I loved teaching (I hated the paperwork) I enjoyed meeting up with friends for get together (Where are they all now?) I loved attending the art fairs where I could show my carvings as well as meet and greet people from all places and walks of life. I had plans for my future that are now as empty as my bucket list. (not because I did my list but because of my limitations I had to discard those plans. I am strong, stronger than you think. I have to be strong to live with my chronic illness and the pain it brings me. So dont ever tell me everyone has to die someday. Cause if you do Ill tell you I hope you die before I do.
Posted on: Wed, 07 Jan 2015 18:52:20 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015