Pizza (in the form it is eaten nowadays) was born in present-day Italy. People who brought it into existence would usually eat it with their hands (it was a poor mans dish in the beginning). Soon, it gained popularity. It became a food of rich as much as it was of poor. It became an international phenomenon. It first penetrated into other countries of Europe, then it climbed continental borders and made its way to Americas and the remaining continents. As it happens in cultural diffusion, wherever the pizza reached, people adopted the method of eating which suited them most: the sophisticated, civilized Europeans habitually used forks and knives, so they began using the same for their convenience; while the easy-going Americans mostly preferred their hands to eat pizza. Proceeding from here logically, one would expect that whenever pizza happened to make its appearance in our part of the world, people must have followed their inherent voice of reason and chose the way they had always used to eat: with hands, that is. But, HELL NO. We, the citizens of Islamic Republic of Pakistan, did what we always do. We saw some white men eating pizzas with forks and knives and then witnessed a sudden spurt of pizza joints all around our posh neighborhoods. We thought that we needed to appear worthy of the place we visited to eat this new, fascinating thing called peeza (which we later started calling peetza because white men whispered that into our ear much later than they should have). So, we lifted the fork in our right hand and the knife in our left and plunged into this impossible task of eating pizza using utensils. While we did this exercise, we forgot that the white man, who we are trying to imitate, actually holds fork in the left hand and knife in the right. We forgot this bit mainly because we are told by our parents in our childhood that the left hand is for wiping shit off our ass and the right hand is meant to put food inside the mouth. This practice of using wrong hands, combined with our utter inexperience of eating food using utensils led to a kind of tragicomedy: many people can be observed sitting inside famous pizza joints holding forks and knives and literally wrestling with their pizzas. They put knife on it, it evades them. They try to apply fork, and the bite eludes them. Their dilemma is comparable to that of a pelican which is given gravy to eat from inside a flat plate! The most ironic thing about all this is the fact that the people who commonly do this are the ones frequently seen condemning the Arabization of our culture. Some of these sophisticated human beings are frequently heard saying YOLO and stuff like mA lyF Ma rUleEeZzZ. By God, if even the common sense could not come to your help, who am I or anyone else to help you? You are not being a rebel and YOLO-guy by following a foolish trend that makes you a travesty of white man at best. If anyone has made to the end of this status, please know that I am thankful for your time. And if you are one of the guys who think that someone who eats pizza using his hands is a paindoo, please drown yourself in the toilet of pizza hut the next time you visit it. Dying with shit and piss inside your lungs and stomach is better than being a house-nigger who isnt even successfully imitating the master.
Posted on: Thu, 17 Jul 2014 05:14:17 +0000
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