Please, all I want is to play with my child! Play is the major avenue for parents to connect with their children, share pleasurable experiences, and teach valuable life lessons. Through play, parents share emotional experiences with their children, transfer desired social values, teach perspective taking and basic relating skills. Enjoyable play is as important for meeting the emotional needs of the parents, as it is a valuable tool for the children. From the early moments of sharing pleasure around simple sensory motor play patterns to the later more complex symbolic pretend play activities, play becomes the main avenue for both connecting and learning. Over the years, play becomes a major avenue for transferring the cultural knowledge of the elders down to their children. For many children on the spectrum, cooperative play is foreign for them. They often appear indifferent or actively resist attempts by others to share in their play. Because of sensory issues and processing difficulties, trying to regulate the unpredictable uncertainties of cooperative play is simply too overwhelming. It is much safer to engage in self isolative play that is totally under their control, extremely predictable with minimal uncertainty. When the children reject their parents’ attempts to engage them in this basic developmental ritual, it can be emotionally devastating for the parents. This indifference can lead to feelings of rejection, inadequacies, and loss of the basic parent/child emotional connections. The early learning, social skills, and companionship that develop from play are very important for developing the foundation for later, more complex relating skills. Social processes such as joint attention, sharing, turn taking, referencing others for learning, understanding the thoughts, feelings, and perspectives of others, and co-regulating actions to stay coordinated in activity with others are established in these early play patterns. Without these early learning skills, social and emotional development is greatly inhibited. What if your child passively, or actively, resists your attempts to engage them? What can you do to promote active engagement, so the child will feel safe and find it enjoyable? The following strategies have been shown to help foster “safe” engagement. 1. Let the child lead! Join the children in what they are doing! Do not try and guide or direct; simply join in with what they are doing and follow their lead. Become an element in their play. By doing so, we know the child already finds this activity motivating, and feels safe because it is familiar, predicable and they are controlling it. Sometimes children will resist the intrusion into their ritualistic play. If this is the case, be a passive observer, simply watching with minimal interaction. Once the child can tolerate you in his space of play, then proceed to engage by describing what you see; label what he is doing, and anticipate what is happening. Do not ask questions, give directions, or try to vary what he is doing. Simply, watch and describe what you are experiencing. 2. Imitate, animate, and playfully intrude. Once the child is comfortable with you watching and describing, start to include yourself into the play. Begin by imitating what he is doing. “That looks like fun….let me try!” If the child is simply stimming, then imitate and copy his stimming (e.g. rocking, hand flapping, twirling string, etc.). If he is engaging in repetitive object play, then do the same right next to him (or better yet at a 45% angle so he can see you better). Imitate what he is doing, both actions and vocalizations. Many children on the spectrum are attracted to those who imitate them. You are valuing their world, and establishing a connection. Once the child is comfortable with this, add in animated emotion sharing; “That’s cool!”, “We did it!”, “Awesome!” etc. Use animated facial expressions, exaggerated gestures, and excited vocalizations. Reach out your hand for a gentle “high five”. Again, do not question or direct, simply share in what he is doing. Many children on the spectrum are attracted to animation, as long as it is not directing them. This emotion sharing will become the glue that motivates further cooperative interaction. Anticipate and comment on what they are doing, “Oh it looks like we are going to hit that tree with your car! Watch out tree!!!” Begin to apply meaning to all their actions and vocalizations. Each time the child makes a response, reply back by assigning meaning. Each time the child looks up at you, show animated emotion. Each time he says something, respond back (even if he didn’t mean to communicate). 3. Become a part of the play! Next, slowly become an element in the child’s play. By becoming an element in the play you provide a playful intrusion. Now, instead of playing alongside of him, you are playing with him. Again try not to direct or control, just follow his lead. Frequently celebrate “doing together” with “give fives” and declarative statements “We rock!”, “Awesome!”, “We did it!” Keep assigning and describing meaning to what he is doing and saying. 4. Start adding simple variations. Start expanding on what he is doing. Take what he is doing, and add a little to it. If he is pushing his truck, put a barrier in front of it “Oh oh, looks like a tree fell in the way”, or “Watch out for the lady walking across the street”, as you include a lady to walk across the street. Slowly expand on his actions, as well as adding to the theme of what he is doing. If he resists you expanding on what he is doing, then start with imitating his actions, then expand on your actions. This is less threatening because you are not effecting his actions, only yours. Build in anticipations, “I wonder what would happen if _________.” Pause to give the child a chance to respond. If no response, simply do the action and comment on what happened, “Oh no, I am going to hit that tree!!” 5. Make sure to frequently “Celebrate!” Frequently throughout the play, pause briefly to “celebrate” by giving five, with animated emotion. Have fun, and share the emotion. Try to stay in his field of vision so he can easily see your play and emotion sharing. 6. If he resists, back up a little and make it simpler. Each time you expand on what you do, if it is too big of change and the child resists, back up to where he last felt comfortable. Take it a little bit slower and make the change a little smaller to keep it safe. You want to slowly stretch his comfort zones, while keeping the interaction fun. 7. Once the child is engaging in “back and forth” cooperative play with you, you can gradually expand the complexity of play (object play, functional play, pretend play, etc.). This will require a later post. Remember, when encouraging cooperative play, start off by allowing the child to lead, keep it safe and simple, respect his comfort zones, and build in frequent emotion sharing. Be patient! It may take time for the child to feel comfortable, but it is worth it in the end. To teach cooperative play, I recommend multiple sessions throughout the day; at least three to four times a day if possible. This series on teaching relating skills can be found in the blue book, Autism Discussion Page on the Core Challenges in Autism.
Posted on: Sun, 11 Jan 2015 22:10:02 +0000
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