Please keep this anonymous. Im turning 18 this month and Im not sure how to put this but Im in a extremely messed up situation and I have no idea how to get out. There is this guy Ive been with for 4+ years and everything started going downhill after the 1st year and things became physically and emotionally abusive. I was in an active addiction when we got together, and have been ever since, also in and out of recovery since Sept 2010, and we have a no contact order as of Oct last year. Now Im almost 60 days sober and he is in recovery as well but I feel like he wont ever change and I feel like Ive tried enough and now Im only making myself suffer, I feel like Im being dragged to the bottom but Im trying to clutch onto every last hope and aspiration. I feel so trapped and unstable that all I want to do is pick up and just throw my job away, move back to my hometown because it just seems so much easier, and the amount of pain I endure everyday is starting to push me to my breaking point, I feel like Im losing it, I feel cold and all I want is to be happy, but all I ever have are these problems and what went on behind closed doors, emotional, mental abuse, Im so tired of it all. You can push, kick and beat me down but nothing will ever hurt as much as what hes done to me, because all I ever wanted was to be loved and appreciated. This is only scratching the surface, if I were to write a book about this shit, itd have you chilled, tingles up your spine. Its cold. Nightmares.
Posted on: Sun, 01 Dec 2013 13:28:12 +0000
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