Politically Correct! > > Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged > from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction. > > The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... > so I did.... shes 21 and her names Lucy > > My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the > 60s group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and Then I > saw her face > > My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a > couple of Swan Vestas, his little face lit up when he tried to walk.. > Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his > cage. > > I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, > ungrateful bleeders. All I said was, hurry up for goodness sake, > some of us have got homes to go to! > > Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or > getting your bloody tee ready! > > Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my > wifes voice from the kitchen, what would you like for dinner my > love, chicken, beef or lamb? I said, Thank you, Ill have chicken > please. She replied, Youre having soup you fat bastard, I was > talking to the cat! > > Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, hes mainly black and brown with > a small white patch, so Ive named him Birmingham . > > I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a > prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, Thats just > for starters! > > Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of Im a celebrity, > get me out of here! Show bosses think she will do really well since > shes been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 11:07:19 +0000
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