Positivity #5: Six years ago, we decided to take a leap of faith and bring home our oldest and last child, Kathryn Lucille Chao Yan (20). At the time, we had no real way of knowing what we were signing up for, but she needed a family and we wanted to parent one more child. I first saw a video of her on the internet (yes, in our family, kids also come from the internet). She had just biked from school back to her orphanage for lunch (4 miles), and they interviewed her unexpectedly. She looked a bit afraid and unsure of herself--kind of like she was nervous about saying the wrong thing. I love China and the culture dearly, but I will admit I do not care for how physical differences are perceived there. Much of the video focused on those differences, and not on her personality or what she had to say. That stewed within me for a few days; I couldnt get it out of my mind. We had just brought Leah home the year before...but Chao Yan was about to age out of the system. If a family wasnt found for her in the next few months, she would never have one. If not us, then who? Finally, I made arrangements to have her words from the video translated. Chao Yan talked about wanting a family with a mama and baba (dad). We asked for more information from the agency, but got very little of substance. And that video still tugged at my heart. We decided to move ahead with plans to adopt her. Teenage-hood is not an easy road for anyone, and we opted to choose a path that was unpaved with an unknown destination. It seemed a little crazy and even counterintuitive at times. Some folks embraced our plan, and some thought we were nuts... Adoption paperwork is long and tedious, and one mistake can set the timeline back a few months. Our papers had to be perfect the first time around because we had no time to lose. I spent many an all-nighter at the kitchen table pouring over government forms and reading through wordy directions. Let me tell you, its wayyy easier staying up into the wee hours when one is in her 20s! (That paperwork now fills half a drawer in my big file cabinet, to give you an idea of how much there is!) Twelve months after we started the process, Steve traveled to China to bring Chao Yan home. She arrived to us in survival mode--thinking just about how to get through the moment she was in rather than anything beyond that. Understandable, since that is how she learned to make it through her days up until that point. Her first 13 years were marked with challenges and difficulties and most of us (thankfully) will never experience in our lifetime. As a result, she developed coping skills that had helped her to survive, but were not needed here in her new family. We had to work hard to not only teach her better strategies, but also get her to apply them in her new life in a family. Thats challenging in and of itself, but doubly so during those teen years! There were hard times, especially in the beginning. It took about 19 months for her to begin to trust us. She grew my parenting skills and stretched me in directions that I never knew even existed. She also brought to light some areas in myself that I found needed hard work and effort to change. I learned that some blessings come with growing pains, but nevertheless, they are blessings! There were times when the grittiness, the painful rejections, and the setbacks made me wonder if wed ever see a light at the end of the tunnel. I had to focus on the tiniest of positives and sometimes really search to find them in our most challenging days. Looking back, I see now how those moments shaped me into a better person. I would not be who I am today without having experienced them. To say that Chao Yan has transformed in the past six years would be an understatement. She just completed high school and is about to begin her first year of college. She has dreams and goals, good health and a developing confidence in her abilities. She is beginning to think about how she can give back to those in need and pay it forward. Little by little, she is healing and turning into the young woman that God wants her to be. I am so proud of who she has become! Kathryn Lucille Chao Yan, you are a blessing! Positivity #6: Since this piggybacks off of the first positive statement, Ill add it now. It is true that it takes a village to raise a child. I have been beyond blessed to be in the midst of this village. SO MANY have come alongside us as friends to move our daughter forward into a successful life. She has had an exceptional support system of friends and peers who are mature and wise beyond their years. These kids have stepped up and loved her, guided her and believed in her. They gave her a sense of belonging and value. They tolerated and worked through social challenges, and taught her what I could not. Their parents also embraced her and did so much to teach her about life in families. They saw her for who she was becoming and were such a great influence--more than they realize. I did not know what a great group of families wed be plunked down into when we started Chao Yan in school back in the 6th grade. I didnt know about the support and love she would receive from our church communities, both in Smithboro and in Endicott. Nor did I realize how many teachers or school staff members who would go above and beyond to help her succeed. You all have played a role that helped to change a life for the better. Thank you isnt big enough--I will be forever grateful for what youve done. We could not have picked a more supportive community!
Posted on: Thu, 31 Jul 2014 13:33:39 +0000
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