Prayers needed I will be deactivating my account later tonight because I am having a very difficult time dealing with life right now. I should have just accepted life as it was at the time and walked out a better man. Because of my actions I am all alone. I have given up on life many times in the past three weeks and I am physically unable to deal with this anymore. I do not like drama but I have caused it by pursuing a daydream. I have made many mistakes in my life but there have been three in the last three weeks that has brought me to an all time emotional low and low as a human. Not because of the situation but because of the actions that have hurt at least 15 people. Three lovely girls, three handsomely well dressed boys, two that I would consider family, five that will hopefully be my friends again some day and who I placed in the middle without meaning to, three of five of them I placed my promises on that I shouldnt have, and two that I am so sorry for what Ive done that a words can never describe but hopefully my actions will. They all must think Im an animal but Im just a scared, depressed, desperate man that was trying to hold onto a daydream. I have failed at keeping promises to two people that I love dearly. I am trying to keep myself away from anyone so I can separate myself from my life. I should have applied these boundaries sooner so I would not have been so desperate but I cannot help but look back. I need prayers for my life, Situations, unknown future, existence, and the lives that were sent for a loop just as mine was. Please pray for those fifteen people with me. Not just for my forgiveness from them but for the hurt and pain I have caused as well. One of the people that I mentioned above I love. I have continued to fail and hurt them by searching for a way to earn that love back. My actions might have been considered as war but it was out of desperation to regain hope and happiness in life. I am cursed with guilt, shame, and pain from which I have caused all of them but especially the one. I honestly hate what I have done. Pray for these people with me please... None of what I did or said or did was meant to scare or intimidate anyone. I am sorry for all I have said and it was not meant to disrespect but again to fight for something I lost. I realize now how wrong I was and that fighting for something you want without waiting on God will only hurt the situation. My honesty has hurt those people the most and I am trying to learn how to not do these things again. I never meant to scare anyone, I never meant anything I said as a threat. This isnt meant to humiliate anyone but myself. I could have walked away a better man like I was told so many times... I was fighting for a daydream that I was my life. But now I just fight for life. You were right and I was wrong. Bite me. (Not meant to be derogatory) perfect
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 19:42:10 +0000
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