Pre-Historic Theater(re?) and/or Cinema - and the Roots We Have as a People Or a Person Or Whatever by Solomon W. Davies Prologue: It is true that most learned and respected scholars hold steadfast that modern theatre (or theater as we Americans sometimes refer to it) has its roots in what most call Ancient Greece-- an era I rather refer to as the time during which Greece was merely 4.59987 billion years old. Not being one of these aforementioned respected scholars, thanks to God, gives me the freedom to theorize and delve deeper into the mystery that is this fascinating art form - and to even offer possible alternatives to some of the more established, often proven, and yet somewhat boring facts laboriously blathered-on about by these idiots. Some critics may say my research is flawed-- completely inaccurate even. But I would ask those who question me to question themselves first: Who am I to say what the past really is? Who am I to criticize someone who has done a lot of work? Why am I so critical? These are just some suggestions, from a well of potential questions supposed experts should find themselves stuck in, from time to time, with the whole world watching, trying to decide if rescue is the right course of action. Digression, my apologies. Having said these things, I will now move on to the substance of my painstaking research, which I conducted over Monday, Tuesday and Friday afternoons of last week-- as well as a lengthy afternoon trip to an excavation site pretty far from where I live. The Substance Proper It is my profound supposition that theatre(er?) in fact started around 67 million years BFM (Before this Fleeting Moment). While most say humanity did not escape the confines of ape-dom until an astronomical sneeze ago, I couldnt disagree more. Humans, being men or women, or even their children, roamed the Earth as early as 72 million years BFM, according to my calculations. I have proven through many carefully devised thought experiments that even though the ape had yet to evolve from the de-evolution of these early humans, the age of banana-love, and poo flinging was not far around the corner of space-time, and was in fact a direct result of humanitys interaction with Dinosaurs, which without a doubt, scared the shit right out of them. This supposition, if adopted as fact, would lead to a re-arrangement of some commonly held beliefs, some textbook footnotes, and a necessary edit to that widely distributed pictorial guide of homo-slouchus moving linearly through the ages to homo-erectus, and of course up to us current peoples right here in the AF (Age of Freedom). But back to theater (re?), which is the subject at hand, and instrumental in the preservation of humanitys entertainment genes through its de-evolution towards, and re-emergence from ape-dom, due to a lot of terrible things going on, such as people being eaten in front of their loved ones a lot, by fierce and terrible creatures up to 80 times their size. There was a clan of peoples who referred to themselves as the Tagra-Hoot (roughly translated as Afraid of Dinosaurs) that roamed what is now referred to as Kentucky, in the United States. At that time, it was nothing like Kentucky, and no one would have thought to name it as such. It is the Tagra Hoot that first sought to emulate through performance the dying that most of their peoples had been doing due to the sudden appearance of a roving band of Velociraptors, or I suppose it could have been some other equally frightening beast. The Tagra-Hoot that remained from this massacre fled into the mountains from the plains, and tried through dramatic re-enactment, to warn the other peoples that populated the area, who had no way to understand them, because no one understood each other back then at all, as opposed to today, where we almost do. Not helping the process, the Tagra Hoot sought to actually recreate the entire scene (some would argue they were the original method actors), and would actually kill their fellow clansmen during performances - while dressed up in very dramatic and scary clothing, and prancing about, gnashing their teeth, and trying their best to seem like a dinosaur. To most peoples who came into contact with the Tagra Hoot, these performances, while not intended as such, were perceived as dark comedies, and were a huge hit all the way up until the very last performance by the last remaining Tagra-Hootian, known by me as Baka-Nalaka, whose one man show, entitled Argha Kabblaka (Im trying to warn you guys) was a triumph, even though there was only one performance, which ended with the jaw-dropping and quite dramatic throwing of his self off of a very steep cliff, while pretending to be chased by something very frightening. It was the audiences fundamental lack of understanding of the Tagra-Hoot method that eventually led them to their very own hideous ends at the claws and teeth of the very creatures these noble and original thespians had tried to warn them about. This will be the subject of another essay, when I am no longer tired of the subject, and perhaps less bitter about the probability that anyone will take me seriously. Besides, there are many other subjects that I have to discuss with you all, and theater(re?), is a common thread amongst them. As is Cinema, which I mentioned at the top of this thing, and yet failed to bring up in the substance proper, which was on purpose, and my failure to do sos meaning will become evident at a point of my choosing, perhaps when I think you are ready. Until then, please allow yourself to allow for the possibility that everything you have read is true, because if you cannot, Epilogue/Message: It is quite probable that you have sewn your mind shut, which means you cant truly call yourself a thinker, or profound realizer of potentially true knowledge, and wouldnt that be sad. Well, it would be to me. ***Solomon W. Davies is an expert in almost every field he has imagined. Some people disagree with his methods, but he is certain they are valid within some very crucial contexts of reality.
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 16:05:20 +0000
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