Proudest moment of a single parent A single Papua New Guinean mother writes about her hardship raising her children while working. Post Courier Octiber 29, 2014 Dropping her child off at school and looking for a baby sitter every morning while keep an eye on the 8am work time, can be a nightmare. There are many mothers out there who share the same grief but are too scared to come out and talk. This mother decides to break the silence, break the shackles that have forever held women and mothers captive in their own homes – too scared to speak out. This is her story below and she writes: My daughter graduated from the University of Papua New Guinea with Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology on April 11, 2014. It was a very happy moment for her and a proud moment for me as well as a single parent who saw her child through to this level. This story I wish to tell is not to glorify myself or my daughter for this achievement but to inspire and encourage other young men and women who may be in similar circumstance where they are raised by one parent or that single parent irrespective of gender. Raising Lawrencia on a single salary has been one of many challenges, apart from providing her a stable upbringing through discipline, love and counselling. The second greatest challenge was building her self esteem, teaching her that despite the absence of a father, you can still have a stable home if you choose to. What that means to me personally is that you look beyond that handicap and take on life believing that you can be like anybody else despite your circumstance. That you don’t look down or belittle yourself amongst your peers. I guess that was the greatest lesson I had to teach Lawrencia and her brother. But most importantly, I, as a parent had to live by what I teach. Lawrencia or Lawlah for short, was passed on from one person to another when she was little as is the case with living in a city with no close relatives or parents to trust. My mother who came to see me through the birth left when Lawrencia was seven months old so my colleague’s wife babysat for nearly a year until she herself was having her own child. She was then taken care of by my colleague’s younger sister until they left to return to Madang. I found some relatives at Sabama to babysit and that meant, every morning I travel from Gordons to Sabama to leave her then go to work at Spring Garden Road, Hohola and then again in the afternoon to pick her up and return home to Gordon’s or go to the office to finish off some urgent work especially when going to print. When baby brother came along, I decided to keep baby at home and send Lawlah to kindergarten. I searched for affordable places and found Vali’s Child care which was located at the old Boroko Bowling club next to the tennis courts. When the premises were bought off, I moved her to YWCA at 2 Mile. I got mugged there after fetching Lawlah one afternoon and moved her again to Redley and Baine which was not far from home, then later to Dodo Babysitting right on our street which was run by Mrs Maria Santana. Just before Lawlah turned 7 in 1997, she started prep at Holy Rosary Primary School at 6 mile. The following year, I managed to get her into St Peter Chanel Primary at Erima to do Elementary 1 before completing primary education in 2005. She was selected to Marianville Secondary School to do Grade 9 in 2006. In that year, I was offered this job in Lae and took it as it provided better remuneration as well as secure accommodation. I moved Lawlah to board at the school and asked my friends Fay Duega Tongatia and Liz Sowei to keep an eye on her for home weekends before I moved with my son to Lae. After Grade 10 and although she was selected to continue, Lawlah refused to return to Marianville choosing to reunite us as a family in Lae. I had to find a place for her in Lae to continue her studies. I went to all the provincial secondary schools except Bumayong knocking on the principals’ doors asking for an opening and was either told to come back after a few weeks when school starts or report to the Provincial Education Office about transferring your child. I wrote several letters to the Provincial Education Office which was never opened and when I went to the office, I was told to consult a list of students’ placements. Off course my child’s name was not there and the school year had already commenced. I talked about the situation to a couple of friends and one of them who happened to be on the school board of Markham Valley Secondary School suggested that we should try there. Markham Valley School is near Mutzing, Markham District and is about 2 hours by PMV from and bus fare back then was K8 one way. We dared the highway and went to the office of the Deputy Principal. My friend, Maria Linibi, introduced me to the deputy Principal and explained why we were there. Coincidently, he was also from Milne Bay but he warned us that there will be no ‘wantok system’ determining his decision. He then asked for Lawlah’s Gr 10 certificate and was impressed with what he saw. He gave us a bank deposit slip containing a figure I should pay into the school account before she can start. This was done that same day and the next day, Lawlah packed her bags and off she went to Markham Valley. The following week, a colleague of mine who was going on a field trip to Wawin DPI Station which is near Erap to check on her trial, asked me to go along and check Wawin National High School if there was space there. By this time, Lawlah was threatening to leave Markham Valley school and drop out of school as the student facilities especially ablution was not sufficient and she had health concerns. My neighbour (an African family) sat her down one afternoon and spoke to her about the repercussions of leaving school. The father especially mentioned the financial burden her decision could bring about. He encouraged her not to give up as she is not far from completing her studies and reminded her of the investments already made. He offered her support if she needed it. The preceding week I checked Wawin, there was space but they had a student that didn’t arrive yet so they gave her a week to turn up. When I checked the following week, the student still didn’t turn up and the principal asked me to pay the full fees and they could take Lawlah in. So Lawlah moved from Markham Valley and into Wawin seven weeks into the school year in 2008 and she graduated in 2009. She repaid me for what I had gone through getting her into a National High School which is considered Schools of Excellence by scoring a GPA that required an Academic Excellence Scholarship under TESAS to enter UPNG. But entering University didn’t mean a stroll in the park. It was even harder, added with peer pressure and social activities, and lack of support from academic staff. During the dinner hosted after her graduation from UPNG, Lawlah said, when studies become overwhelming (especially not being awarded a TESAS scholarship in 2013), what pushed her on was the support of many people in her life who were in no way related to her but had her best interest at heart. For four years at UPNG, she made her home with the Sowei family, first at Gerehu 3B and later Rainbow. During high school days at Marianville, Lawlah sometimes spent time with my colleague Fay Duega Tongatia and her first cousin Dr Fiona Hukula Kenema. Each of these people and those mentioned in this story had in their own way, guided and left some valuable impressions in this young person’s mind that in the worst or the best of times, she could draw on these and find strength to go the extra mile. The journey to achieving your goal can be a lonely one if you choose that path but with a host of loved ones cheering you on, the end of the line can be a blur. I am also very grateful for those wonderful friends who stood in for me and an absent father and have become more like family to me. What made me proud of the moment I saw my daughter walk up the aisle to receive her degree is that she did it with determination and courage and not for once regard her home situation to be a barrier. It’s my hope that her brother will follow suit, but that is another story to be told. I conclude with this message Lawlah posted on her Facebook wall soon after receiving her paper (mambu): “Finally, I couldnt have done it without the constant love and support of my family; My Mother & baby brother, the Sowei tribe, Fiona Hukula and all others whom I have not mentioned. This is for you all. Congratulations to all who have also graduated today. our hard work and dedication has definitely paid off”!
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 00:24:52 +0000
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