Question I was asked: I loved this Shia guy, that is very good ma shaa Allah, and he isn’t like the rest of the Shia, but my parents are rejecting him because he is shia? What would you advise me? ANSWER Asalam alykum, Dearest sisters, you judged him and said he is a very good guy ma shaa Allah, My question is how do you know he’s a good guy? We can’t be sure of ourselves, and that’s why Allah Almighty had forbid us from praising ourselves, how is it with others. It takes a lot of association with a person to finally come up with a judgment that he is good, and you still say and we praise none over Allah Almighty. Anyhow, my advice is: A successful marriage stands on one very important catagory, which is the more you and this person have in common the better communication there will be, and the higher the expectations we will have that this marriage will be a successful one. If this man, is proven to be Shia, that automatically means the following: 1) He doesn’t consider the Quran that you have as complete, 2) He doesn’t consider the Prophet traditions that you have, even the most authentic as acceptable. 3) He doesn’t consider many of the prophet’s companions (sahahba) as righteous. You might say so! What do I have to do with all the previous points? That’s his opinion; Rabna (Allah) is to judge him not I. What you have to do with this is that this means you and him differ on the very base of any 1) dialogue, 2) understanding 3) the base of perspectives in the long run. Since, he does not consider your references in Quran, and its exegesis, sunnah no matter how authentic it is, and even prophet’s companions as your role models, not even his beloved wife. If we cannot agree on Allah’s words, the prophet’s sunnah, the righteous companions, do you really agree on one Islam here?! This will lead to major disagreement and then finally divorce which means an unsuccessful marriage. He may seem or be good in his character, handsom, smart, eloquent, funny, charming, kind…etc. I may agree with you. But, my dear sister, you have to understand that all this is not the base of a mutual understanding, or the base of perspectives which again means major disagreement on decision making. Therefore, the good characters that you might mention are considered like the good toppings on a meal and not the base. It’s kind of like having your favorite toppings not on a pizza but on a piece of bread or maybe on a completely different meal. The toppings on their own don’t mean anything it’s the base that matters (that is the aqida (creed), thoughts, standards in life and the hereafter) and again it’s not the good toppings like mushroom, extra cheese and whatever have you that make a piece of old bread good. The base of a relationship between you and a man you want to marry is in these questions: What are you both going to consider as good or bad? What are you both going to depend on as standards to differentiate right from wrong and final say? Both of these questions mean what is his and your final decision. In marriage, my dear sister the base is going to be the real thing that you will be dealing with, while all the other toppings will melt down and disappear if the base is not there. Let me give you an example: you get married to this man, one day he comes with another woman whom he says is his mut’a wife (temporary or wife for enjoyment). He tells you Islam says it’s okay. You argue that there is no such thing as a temporary marriage, and that this is zina. He starts bringing you his Shia fabricated hadeeths. You argue and bring him a hadith narrarted by Ali bin Abi Taleb when he said that the last thing the prophet had done was forbid mutu’a and eating donkey’s meat. He tells you I don’t believe in that hadith. Those sahaba lied on the prophet. Well, the argument goes on and on. Because the agreement is in the base, that is he doesn’t consider the hadith that we as sunnis depend on. He doesn’t consider the Quran that you depend on. You can’t say it’s just a disagreement about a fiqh issue. You’re going to fight because this issue means your life here, this issue means your children seeing their father with a new woman every once in a while whom he calls his temporary wife. And you call zina and tell your children that that’s not right. Think about it! You won’t be able to handle a new woman every few months told to be his mut’a wife would you? The discussion between you and him, if he stays on his Shia belief is going to be a dead end, because he is going to say I call this halal and you call it haram. Habibtee, my other advice is talk to your parents and agree with them that you want to get married to someone that is saleh/ pious and inshaa Allah you will get a man that considers the Quran, Sunnah and Sahaba. There are many out there, so don’t hurry on taking the toppings and not the real thing. asalam alykum
Posted on: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 06:18:16 +0000
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