Question of the week: “WHO ARE YOU MARRIED TO…ME, YOUR FATHER, OR THE PASTOR? This is a common, household issue in the beginning of most marriages, as both parties heavily rely on outside influences to assist them with inside problems. Unfortunately, if not quickly cut off from the root, outside referees will continue to feel as if they have jurisdiction over your marriage. The following comes from a man, whom of course, allowed me permission to speak about his issues concerning his wife seeking advice from everyone else accept himself. Since the beginning of their marriage, he would come home from work, after being up all night arguing with his wife, to her giving him the phone with her father or mother on the other end of the line. With every intention of getting on the phone and not disclose any of their problems, it seemed to always get the best of him after hearing what her parents have repeated to him what his wife have told them. And the cycle repeats itself as he begins to tell his side of the incident and then both are asked to get on the phone to listen to someone else tell them how to fix every issue that comes to past. After the first couple of years of this repetitive behavior, he insisted that his wife cease the communication with her parents about their marital issues and seek Godly counsel from the pastor. She agreed and they began marriage counseling with their pastor. But, somehow, it seems to begin to backfire on him, as his wife called the pastor about all of their problems now, instead of her mother. Insisting on following every instruction given by the pastor, the husband began to feel that his wife seemed to take everyone’s advice but his. He felt that she to follow only the instructions given that benefited her. This began to bother him, as he asked, “Who are you married to…me, your parents, or the pastor, because you seem to make every attempt to listen to them, but ignore everything that I ask of you!!!” Without the need to speak to his wife, I informed him to remove the shackles and the handcuffs from his own feet and hands. Being a prisoner, or a slave to someone else’s non-professional or non- Godly- guided, advice, will only cause more problems because they are not you. The husband is not like his wife’s passive father; therefore, advice from him will only be a response from what her father would do. Before a couple seeks outside counseling, i.e. marriage counselor, pastor, mediator, etc. all Godly-attempted- efforts should be exhausted first. The meanings of Godly-attempted- efforts are the husband and the wife should assume the role that God tells them to assume beginning with Ephesians 5:22-33. A submissive wife or a considerate husband can’t learn these traits from growing up in an out-of-alignment household. If and when this is practiced, by the time a couple need to speak with the pastor, it will not be foreign to either of them after he gives the instructions that comes from God’s Word. They should be very familiar and comfortable in operating in their natural roles. As always, “How to stay married for at least 100 years,” is an actual book that can be ordered from Amazon, or downloaded to you smart phones, Nooks, or Kindle. Also please join the book page on Facebook, to read more about many other resolved marital issues that may have been part of someone’s life that you may know. Simply type in the name of the book in the Facebook search window and join. See you soon. May this Word bless you guys, and please join us in our world quest to irradiate divorces. Darren Smith
Posted on: Fri, 27 Sep 2013 16:36:47 +0000
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