REFLECTION [A chapter from the Holy Rule of St. Benedict] A good word is above the best gift. This applies to us all and it is so very true. I know we have bad days, I know that sometimes emotions can all but overpower us, but the self-discipline to say something nice, or at least to refrain from saying anything harsh, is available and ought to be employed. One good word, one kind, caring phrase, can change a persons whole day, whole outlook on a given matter, and sometimes even change anothers whole life. One word can be remembered for years, for decades, for a lifetime. Unfortunately, this is equally true if the word was hurtful. The power of the tongue, an awesome, wondrous power to foster growth or stunt it, to expand or contract the heart of the hearer, this power is not the cellarers alone, it belongs to us all. The tongue can figuratively kill, it can distance others from us, leaving us finally alone with the predictable isolation of our crankiness. It can ruin lives, others and our own. Very often the harsh word is the one never forgotten, the word whose hurt will surface years and years after its speaker is off the scene. Think carefully of the harsh words you recall being said to you, then think with double caution about joining those unforgettable ranks by saying such hurtful things to others. Think of the hurtful things you have said yourself. Yet there is a further and even more treacherous trap of the hurtful word: it is cyclical evil. It tempts the one hurt to rehearse all kinds of comebacks, to hurt the one who hurt first. Never doubt that when we provoke others to sin we share in their guilt. Even if, by dint of grace, those hurtful replies are never uttered by the one we have hurt, great harm is done to anothers heart, anothers peace, anothers life in the time wasted focusing on the hurt and plotting revenge. It can also tempt another to throw in the towel, to quit altogether, to remove oneself from whatever the situation of vulnerability to attack, whether that be a job, a marriage or a monastery. Those feelings of flee or fight are triggered by adrenalin, to be sure, which makes them natural enough, but also very difficult to combat. Our smart aleck mouths can place another in a painful morass of flee/fight tortures that we may never know about at all. If they triumph through grace, we never hear any more of what they suffered, but their suffering is no less real and no less surely laid at our own feet. How many times are we surprised at what another remembers us having said (even good stuff!) or the details about a shared day that stand out in one mind and not in another? Be very, very careful of the memories we give to others. Those memories will live in their minds, continuing to potentially cause good or evil, long after we are gone. Not for nothing did St. James assert that if we have religion and bridle not our tongues, our religion is in vain. Truly, truly, death and life are in the power of the tongue. A last caution: if you are the recipient of harsh words, try hard to make yourself a beneficiary, not a victim. Hurt can focus far too much on our own imagined worth and importance. Learn the treasure of a humility that can thrive on the correct management of such situations and feelings. Dont obsess, dont focus on revenge or compose an equally cruel comeback. We can waste hours rehearsing comeback lines for situations that never arise. Time is too precious for that! Face it, roles change. Some days we are the statue, others we are the pigeons. Everything comes to us as a means for grace, but also as a possible means for a fall. Choose grace. Minimize the situation rather than magnify it. That can make a huge difference! Jerome, OSB May our Heavenly Father forgive us of the harsh words we have uttered in the past that have cause pain to others. +Pax
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 23:15:16 +0000
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