RELATIONSHIP 101 with Kemmystry WHAT TO DO IF YOUR MAN SEEMS DISTRACTED OR STOPS LISTENING If youre dating for keeps, its likely that at some point in your relationship youll run into the following scenario. You meet someone who is attractive and engaging. The spark of interest leads to feelings of romantic attraction and a mutual desire to be in each others company. Unlike many guys youve met this one seems to really care about you. He actually listens to you and seems to understand the emotional undertones when you share your thoughts and feelings with him. It feels great. Then, at some point, for unknown reasons he seems to become distant. His responses reflect less attention when youre talking. At the worst moments it can even seem as if you are alone while in his presence. This sometimes happens to men because of a specific personality trait that is far more common among men than women. Both genetics and environment have reinforced a tendency to be mission-minded. When a mans mission is going well, he often feels playful energy. During these times he will be emotionally engaged and genuinely interested in even the small details of your life. The problem comes when he faces unusual difficulties that threaten the progress of his mission. Unlike women, men are unlikely to consider relationships themselves as a part of their mission. Relationships are just the fun things you do when youre not working on your mission. So when storms arise at work, in his business, or in other goals he is pursuing, he will become very distracted. You may even get the feeling that he is only spending time with you because he feels obligated to. This tendency to think of relationships as something like recreation, rather than the most important aspect that defines our lives. This is one common root cause of painful experiences for women who invest their lives in men. So what can you do about this? You could hate men and choose to exclude them from your life. You could treat them like children and make fun of their inferior relationship skills. I would recommend a more adaptive approach that will yield the most satisfaction in the long run. Its a secret that few women know, and the benefits are powerful and immediate. Here it is in a nutshell. When he begins to become distant, dont show anger, frustration, or passive aggressive attempts to make him feel the pain hes creating in you. This will only serve to increase his certainty that the relationship will have to be set aside for now as he focuses on fixing the things that have gone wrong in one of his primary missions. Instead, do something for him that will cause you to become a highly valuable partner who enriches his life. Get him talking about the emotional impact of the difficulties he is facing. Men dont do this as easily and naturally as women. As a result, he may experience a profound sense of relief at being able to talk about what is going on and how it makes him feel. Your gentle questions and patience will provide a form of scaffolding to allow him to reach a level of emotional expression that is just a tad higher than his current skill level for talking about emotions. Dont offer to fix anything. That is an emasculating behavior that may cause him to react to you in anger as if you just told him he is incompetent. Just ask him how things are making him feel. When he focuses on the circumstances rather than the feelings, just wait till hes done and ask him why those circumstances are important to him. In doing so, you will help him to express his feelings and sort out the conflicts he may be experiencing internally. Give him space to work this out. He will return to you with full engagement and even greater commitment and interest if you give him time and continue to be emotionally supportive. LIKE/SHARE/COMMENT *Kemmystry™*
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 04:25:02 +0000
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