RESOLVE AND RESTORE (1) Things that happen in life have the potential to make us angry, bitter and disappointed. But it is what we do with the anger that matters. But for a start, what are some of the sources of conflict in relationships? a) Difference in values b) Relying on assumptions c) Unmet expectations d) Differences in upbringing, associations, education, and exposure e) Personality differences f) Lack of knowledge, skills and ability to deal with conflict Learning how to deal with conflict – rather than avoiding it – is crucial and a mismanagement of conflicts that arise can cause great harm to a relationship. Story is told about two brothers – Cain and Abel, where Cain kills the brother out of jealousy. Who was to blame for the conflict in Cain’s life? Who was Cain angry at? What made Cain want to kill his brother? This conflict reveals to us several issues: (a) Conflict denies those in the relationship joy – “Cain’s face was down cast” (b) When poorly managed, conflict will take us down the path of blame and revenge instead of positively dealing with the conflicting areas (c) Conflict has the potential to remove focus from the problem and to the person thereby killing the capacity to manage conflict (d) Conflict can lead to jealousy, completion and killing of the fellowship The gains we are able to make when we restore fellowship should force us to desire resolving issues rather than running away. Allow me to quote from Indira Ghandi who states, “You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.” Meaning that, resolution of those issues that kill fellowship is the only way to restore friendship. When we allow conflicts to ‘cook’ the result is dangerous to the relationship. “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it stands than to anything on which it is poured.” The truth of the matter is, conflict and the resultant bitterness, pain, frustration and emotional betrayal kills the carrier faster than it does the offender. Like Cain, God’s statement, “you must master it” reveals the faith God has in us to deal with conflict positively. Remember, these were two blood brothers who should have had no problem forgiving. Someone said, “In relationships, sometimes it is the person closest to us who must travel the furthest distance to make things work”. Cain took revenge and killed his brother instead of extending the hand of fellowship. Embracing conflict management skills is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. How are you dealing with issues that arise? KITOTO2013 AUTHOR: The Marriage Dance The other side of bliss Biblical Principles of marriage Columnist – Daily Nation – DN2 Monday
Posted on: Wed, 18 Sep 2013 21:52:36 +0000
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