RSA Indians defined. Part 1 IMPORTANT – This is a light-hearted post, laugh-at-our-self post and is not meant to offend anyone. ALIPOR: 1. AKA ‘Alichors’ and are known to be very stingy. The term ‘Alipor food’ was derived from this, i.e. food that would lack generous servings and ingredients. 2. Known ‘to think too much of themselves that is why it is said that never by ice-cream from an Alipor owned Ice cream shop ….. They think that they #$%^ ice-cream. 3. When it is wedding time, the Alipors out do themselves, free food for a week! KANAMS: 1. Known and feared for their hot magaj and becoming violent for small issues. 2. Neighbours normally get disturbed by the Kanam mothers’ shouting their kids. 3. Fair looking, women are known for their beauty. KOKNIS: 1. Have a total monopoly of the South African Halaal meat industry. 2. They notorious for their hot magaj, especially in protecting their daughters. 3. Their Magaj has provided sufficient protection from Majlis. Did you ever find Majlis write against the Wits MBA?!? 4. They not sure if they fall under the MJC or JUSA with their strong Shafi allegiance! 5. They make the best fish biryani. MIA BHAI: 1. Very proud and will never accept defeat. 2. Urdu speaking and dark in complexion. 3. The best Aleem soup, especially in Ramadaan. LACHPORS: 1. Undoubtedly the most honourable and straight forward people. 2. Very clean hearts! Lachpors say what is in their hearts and don’t hold grudges. 3. Forgive easily. 4. Arab blood 5. Most famously known for their love for cuisine. Actually Lachpors are upset as they are the most eligible to be judges in Master Chef. 6. Other gaams cook for Lachpors. If it passes 7. The people from Kafleta spend their days in their village and come to sleep in Lachpor. Reason: Lachpor women are known for their beauty. MEMON: 1. They invented the words ‘ooplang’ and ‘back-door’. 2. Having a furniture removal business with night shift employees. 3. Known to be very charitable: Memons build the mosques and Surtees pray in them. 4. Also, ‘encourages’ that recipients of their donations purchase from their own businesses. 5. Long noses 6. They believe that they are the only Gaam mentioned in the Quraan: “Alif Laam Meem” – Allah loves memons. (note scholars of the Quraan have never been able to understand the meaning of this ayaat but only the memons succeeded!) 7. Money is the objective of their existence. 8. The phrase that has made the Memon language famous: “Memon ka Batcha Kabi nahi bole sacha” (A memon child never speaks the truth.) KOLVAD: 1. 1st to have flushing toilets in India. 2. Arrived in RSA via Mozambique whilst all other normal Indians entered from Durban. (Islam teaches us to enter from the front door, not the back ) 3. Claim to have Italian blood (research into this claim resulted in finding that there is an internal difference between the fair skinned and dark skinned Kolvads – When the Italians arrived in Kolvad they only succeeded in conquering the women residing in River Street, thus the fair complexion. The rest were saved) 4. Proud ice cream makers but very jealous of Haagen Daaz and gets deeply offended when the latter is preferred. 5. The only people left that speaks Shakespearean Gujarati. 6. Would not simply approve of an Urdu speaking son in-law. 7. Kholvad father in laws live to control their sons in laws. 8. They have largely succeeded in ensuring that all Imaams in Lenasia Masaajid are Kolvads! 9. When ‘Kichro’ is cooked, it turns into a huge function where fellow kolvads would travel long distances to join. 10. Eat Briyani with sweet dey – normally green or red coloured! 11. The general custom in Kolvad (India) is for one household only, to have a bull that would ‘service’ all the other cows in the village. On one occasion the bull could not perform due to extreme exhaustion and over work. This the only thing that the bull could produce was kaka. Ever-since the bulls owner became know by the surname KAKA.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 21:44:06 +0000
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