Rant. Walmart I was in walmart today.. seriously. Anything you want to see wrong with a town will be greatly exaggerated at walmart. Its like society is the Legend of Zelda and Walmart is the lens of truth for that locale.. I just left nashville 6 months ago, and i worked at sams club last summer... ever notice when the gut of a really obese person hangs down its vaguely reminiscent of the hood of a volkswagen beetle? i remember blipping out customers at the sams club dealing with a woman with a flatbed full of screaming kids telling me about what other red party rush limbaugh rhetoric she was spouting, and true to my form i put that plastic, veneered, repeated oh-yeah-I-totally-agree-please-buy-an-upgraded-membership-so-my-semiretarded-rottweiler-of-a-supervisor-doesnt-maul-me look. I spaced out halfway through the 37th obama speech i was about to hear and noticed this guy on a scooter. the guy mustve been like 750 pounds, and i was thinking, hey if we put some mag-lights on his knee caps on his kneecaps and stuff some midgets or better yet some screaming brat kids under his gut we could start a circus! my manager has a beard she could grow out, teach a few of the employees to walk on stilts, have a dunk tank made out of one of those 500 pound o pretzels barrels. . blip .. blip blip.. hey those are mine! Pay attention, asshole! oh sorry.. oh its okay. Im picking these up for the church youth group.. oh how nice. Needless to say I eventually quit. Had to get a rabies shot because my manager was foaming at the mouth when she attacked me. And when you apply for your next mediocre career folding mossy oak and duck dynasty gear for minimum wage your interviewer is all like whyd you leave your last job? and Im all like, i was a seasonal employee. What i really mean is I got fed the hell up with bipolar retards who would call that a career . How long do you plan on working at this career? 2 to five years translated until something better like being an astronaut comes along . Thats the next logical step actually because everyone knows its unemployed/sams club/astronaut. Yeah, you didnt know? I was shocked too. After all, I was in star wars and every character but me was Jabba the Hutt, so yeah it make sense.. lots of stellar moon sized bodies colliding around like asteroids of fat banging into eachother with seismic deafening stomps and echoing screams of my scooters out of batteries and do you have this in 4xl ? Its a vaguely surreal enviroment with canyons of food and eyes too close together, the poor bakery girl runs a marathon every day listening to the half intelligible pizza orders. Thank god I didnt get that job.. It was very much like a crackhouse canyon of capitalism, pushing chinese goods at a slave wage rate so surreal I secretly hope can trip ayahuasca with joe rogan there one day like a rainforest of junkfood and populated by rhinos in sweatpants. One time I started narrating nature videos in a jacques cousteau voice about whales and porpoises and manatees swimming through a reef of utz chips.. I was laughing at least. but thats just my opinion.. I might be wrong.
Posted on: Fri, 30 May 2014 20:01:07 +0000
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