Real smile from heart is good, healthy, & real happiness, other ppl can also feel it. But if the smile/laugh is just for show on face to ppl let them know u are happy ...well who would care, because would just feel u are not really happy only pretend for facing...what for??? some ppl like compare with others & try to show to ppl they have good life, they have happy love life/marriage, they are happy because have many ppl talk with them play with them. But to me I choose real smile/laugh from heart, however, I dont smile/laugh doesnt mean I am unhappy/angry, am I happy or not I dont need show on face let ppl know. I dont like compare & I also dont want if have ppl is jealouse type then I would get trouble even we dont know each others OR even know each others (family members can also jealouse each others - specially sisters & brothers); so who can sense I am real happy or not I can also feel it BUT I wont let them know I felt they can sense I am happy or not, pretend have somebody/ppl because they are so care about me & would ask the ppl how can sense I am real happy or not. It just like I had mention I can read ppl mind/heart, someone really trust & ask around in office how can read my mind/heart...haha then she tell around to ppl about that & some ppl EGO think they can also read my mind/heart & likely tell now I am stressful on their harassing (verbal harass) or I am stressful on my work...haha. well..unless that is real their purpose for jealouse I have many good things, I have real good ppl be my friends, so they always use verbal harass try make me unhappy would do same things as what they would do to me to prove I am fake...well...I just wont care because that is just reflected they really jealouse me otherwise what so tease me. If I am so quiet on work then what is their business? they just want use excuse help me relax in fact is just want find excuse want I talk with them make friends with them & easier to gossip about me directly (but if I just dont like talk with them about myself they would also just talk with IYL, she is a real bitxx likely tell my everything around to ppl pretend talkative...well I would say that is socialize problem, that is why they dont have real good friends OR just no friends so always want force me make friend with them...ha. other ppl know their fake/bad, I am nice but not stupid that is why I just let them give comment to me & still wont make friends with them, if have someone like talk with me & approach..ummm depends on but wont talk too much personal things even would talk I can lie...IYL not really know me everything..shes not follow me since I am as a baby...haha! Many things she still need rely on overheard our conversation at home, if we dont talk too much personal things she also wont know. since I told any secret things she still dont know just I never talk with anyone she would never know....then now she just much more pay attention on my speech to hear would I talk anything she think is secret...ha! for many ppl age is not a secret even is over 60 they would proud to tell ppl, it just like my thinking, I am being old only looks younger, but at least it proved I life in this world longer than the ppl younge than me, but would they have chance life that long or reach my age??? so I wont tell to some ppl just like some ppl they want know my age but they dont want I know their age (no matter what culture)...because for female if they are same age as me or real younger BUT looks older...that is jealouse. so even same age as me but they looks same as their actual age they still would jealouse me...that is why have many female they heard something about me from IYL, they would just say something not nice always mention I am old...etc. But they just like compare to me & jealouse me....is that ridicular??? specially IYL she like mention my age to ppl even strangers & say I just look young & proud have many guys like me...ha! is herself jealouse me & think I am that...I never proud coz I never tell & show many guys like me...only she saw/heard many guys like me so she think I am proud. She had tell to ppl I like say shes ugrly..well...that is herself humble, was she comment my face first - very offensive description, just same as is she like talk about my upper body, say mine is fake is the bra, overtake my photo if my t-shirt would have space can let her take chance overtake photo & post; but herself really so care & humble on her body & is she laugh my hip so I just point her back..she just mad & find ppl help do bad things to me...she like mention I am older than her but just like jealouse me anything...so how she & her helpers would really happy???? if really happy just wont say/do anything bad to somebody they jealouse...again, jealouse other ppl would not really happy, coz when they see/hear something they would just show their jealouse side naturally...tease is excuse. just because their speech can tell. that is why I never listen to their speech just wont mad at all but I still would response because I also want see is their speech really just want tease me or really jealouse me....ha! the result is ..........haha BINGO! And I know still have guys interest me BUT I wont interest them they also still would do something/say something at behind about me pay me attention, again I wont because desire get marry & whos guy like me but I dont like just for facing OR want get marry & go with that guy BUT not really happy. I can see this situation from some married female. That is why I still not marry...haha! May be God would take care me, if any guy I had with not really right for me then we wont have chance get marry no matter we getting together or not get together officially & broke up (may be this way better than make me regret get marry with someone I have no feeling, if no children still ok, if have children some ppl would consider about the children & force to stay with each others together, but less time stay at home.haha). About my honey??? Oh yeah! some ppl said may be hes not really love me...ummm I doubt it, may be has other female teased him & hes trying get together with another female so we have 2 months??? no see no direct contact..only I had txt him few times but no response...busy?? I doubt...so I dont txt him I am waiting my another target guy appear again...lol... If he saw this post he must yeal to his coworkers/supervisor...haha. each time when I suddenly recall the memory how we see each others in person & how we pay each others attention we interest each others, what he would talk with his coworkers/supervisor, how I like overhear his conversation about me, what crazy things I like do & what I did caused he would yeal at me to his working friends...etc. I just like see his emotion no matter when yealling, excited talking about me what I txt him, proud of I mean to him have many female passengers like talk with him on bus (or even talk on phone coz those female have his phone #) so I am dare to make friends with male have their phone # too just if I like play with them..ha! most funny memory is 1 day I mad him & I was on strike not take his bus go home just take another companys bus & change their company bus again at exchange terminal center & I thought has a not in service bus now in service would be another driver..ha! is his bus need go back to garage for some reason & switch another bus, so the driver not someone else is him...& he saw me (well...I can wait the next bus but if too crowdy I need wait another one so how long I need wait), so I just get on his bus...probably he was thinking that is faith GOD also helping him (because when I took his bus not often would have problem need switch another bus so since the day may be really is GOD want test us & let us know we really love each others...well..I am for sure I love him BUT him??? ha! he must say hes not love me that much....if so I must call him sucker...lol.... Another funny part I remember was I still mad him I want skip his bus so I walk around far away not let him see me...but he still saw me & yeal to his supervisor I dont line up saw his bus arrive still not get on the bus want escape him.. actually I was hestitate coz I know I would miss him so I tried move back to the platform & hide to hear what he yeal...ha! still let him saw me hide but he pretend not see me & pretend OR may be he really need go washroom then I run on the bus hide at the middle..probably he overwatch I run on bus OR his supervisor told him the tips...just this 2 memory must make me suddenly have big self-smile. May be that is call true love..even at the moment, what I did may make him unhappy/sad...but the other side our natural reaction can prove to ourselves how much we care each others, are we really love each others OR just want get together with a guy/girl he/she like us. I wont doubt something just happen/come to me naturally, something/someone good come to me at beginning I would doubt because I dont believe I really can get good things, good guy be my boyfriend(& if we would get marry); if say just I lack of self-confidence...ummm may be say it just prove I am not really proud person I wont like some female jealouse others because think myself is better than other female so I should have good things, have good quality guy & love me very much be my boyfriend. I only had wish but wont expect it really would come true naturally. So if anyone desire want be part of my life (no matter be my boyfriend, be my friends..but if in between us is has barrier - if I built a barrier block the ppl I dont like them be part of my life, & they also built a barrier (do/say bad things to me) then which means we hate each others but still act/sounds want make friend with me & the true is want take advantage then of course they never can get into my life, which also proved we are different type of ppl..even make friends impossible...that is my personality would classify different type of ppl naturally...haha! So my smile/laugh is really happy from heart is thats why..:)
Posted on: Sat, 04 Oct 2014 05:19:08 +0000
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