Realization 101 for me. I was lucky, not high school sweethearts, Lee was almost 5 yrs older than me. He was stationed at his first base (was my fathers last assignment before retiring after 26 yrs in Army and AF). But met when I was 17. Started dating a 2nd time summer after I graduated High School. (He was too serious at 17, I broke up with him lol) I put off going away to college for him. TWO weeks into dating, Iraq invaded Kuwait and off Lee went asap with all the B-52s. NO idea what would happen to us. We had a date that night. He snuck in a 3 minute phone call from the flight line (My dad was 1st Shirt of Transportation squadron, mobility so I already KNEW men and women were deploying that night) to tell me how crazy he was for me, sorry for standing me up on our 3rd date and couldnt say where he was headed, but Id know soon and hell be in touch as soon as he could. We spent the next 8 months writing letters, morale calls whenever he could, usually at 2-4 am our time. Imagine old school. No internet, no cell phones. Was 1991. We fell in love through videos (VHS tapes Lol!) to each other, letters that took 2 weeks to each get. I have over 2,000 letters from both of us to each other from those 8 long months. He proposed Jul 1991, 3 months after he got back home when I was 19. We married the following Jun 1992 when I was 20, Lee 24. YES even then I DID realize how YOUNG I was, how young we were to make a life commitment. My parents never said a word, but Im sure they too thought their baby was too young even though they absolutely LOVED Lee. I even thought about it and decided this. What if HE IS my ONE??? I would never marry expecting to get divorced.... But if I say Im too young, no way, what if THAT is IT? My ONE??? Never to meet another? So, we got married YOUNG. After 22 years together and a lot of travel, love, passion, many moves and the most ah-mazing kid together, he was taken way too soon from ALL of us. So......fast forward 2 years and 6 months after God took Lee. My realization 101? Well, aside from one man recently, Ive dated a string of absolute asshats. Im not perfect, some couldve been me because it was just meh. Not what I HAD before being a flipping widow..... Ill never settle for anything less than butterflies. Because I KNOW what that feeling is since I was 18. So while Im always thrilled for friends finding their one, other friends being happy in their marriages......I do sometimes think OK why do I get all the jackwagons???? Well maybe.....JUST maybe, it IS because I HAD it for 22 years and that is my destiny. I know friends in their 30s and 40s who still havent found their one. Ive nothing to feel UGH over. Im alone because I am finding I am comfortable that way. Only approval I ever sought was Lees.....I can not see wanting anothers approval like that. Who am I to ask for a 2nd great perfect-for-each-other love? I have ME, our son, ah-mazing family and friends. A great career after going to college at 41. Lets face it, I am a headstronged, free spirited gypsy that I think ONLY Lee could temper and keep me grounded ;) He taught me to fight through the rain. I sometimes still cant believe this is my life. But in my dreams Lee is running free ;)
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 01:37:20 +0000
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