Really love your script, Mick. With just a few minor changes, I think well have something very marketable. The main character is great. I like how hes tortured by his past. But I think hes a bit too tortured. You know what I mean? He needs to be more proactive, more aggressive. More of a one-man killing machine. Rambo without the conscience. And I love how you set up the conflicted relationship with the daughter. But maybe we can streamline all that so we get to the killing quicker. In fact, lets have the daughter get kidnapped in the first act so he has a reason to go on a rampage and just start slaughtering people. Well, yes, the bad guy has his daughter...but that doesnt mean our hero cant just kill guys indiscriminately, does it? I mean, it happens all the time in movies. Nobody but writers care about those kinds of details. And all the back-and-forth, cat-and-mouse banter between our hero and the villain, thats some great dialogue! But it sort of slows down the action, doesnt it? The hero should make his point with bullets, knives, fists, whatever. I should be able to understand the movie just as well with the sound turned off. Yeah, this changes the heros arc a little. But it doesnt need to be quite so big an arc, right? I mean, he can start out as a pissed-off killing machine, and end up saving his daughter. Thats an arc, right? The plot twist in the third act is cool. Gotta admit I didnt see it coming. But, honestly, it just complicates the story. Too much exposition required, when we really just want to see him hacking off limbs. And the ending! Love the ending! But you really need to amp up the killing. Jack that body count through the roof! Yeah, it does sound a lot like Taken. Do you know how much that particular franchise has earned, world-wide?! So, what do you think, time-wise? Week or two for the re-write?
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 07:22:16 +0000
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