Really really deep blog worthy thoughts : The struggle is real and depression hurts and its confusing ! Its so much more than a lack of faith which is what others try to convince you it is. Its not a matter of knowing or believing that God is the almighty healer. I dont seem to understand the whys or hows. I do know I have been healed, I have prayed for others who were healed so I cant see why my faith would be enough in one instance and not another. I am plagued with depression and it does not look like you would expect. On the outside there is often a smile but often at all tje wrong times ... my depression is rooted in the celebrations of life. The events during which everyone else is laughing and smiling. Its as if my psychi gets confused and turns itself upside down. Do you have any idea what its is like to be crying on the inside when you know that you know that you know you should be celebrating ? It is a battle which serves to disconnect me from the joy of new births, weddings, family get together at Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is the monster that takes over in my responses to others during these times and makes a fool out of me and a victim of my unassuming target. It is the sadness that starts as tears and climaxes at rage. The struggle is so real. It is the source of great frustration and pain. Pain in myself and pain Ive caused others it is the monster that whispers in my ear that I am a horrible mother, friend, daughter, sister and speech pathologist. It is the monster that makes me want to run to a dark place and hide. It is the monster that makes the mole hills look like mountains and the beautiful blue skies appear black. It is darkness, it is the deep hole I fall into just when I start to skip along with a whistle. It is confusing and the cause of confusion. One short episode can take weeks to fix because even when I find my head above the waves I have left a great many things undone in the midst of drowning. Knowing what it is use to make it ok and easier to work through ... not always the case. I would love to stop here and say something like joy comes in the morning or tomorrow is a new day but I cant .... I have found myself in the deep hole today covered by the waves. Dont get me wrong I do know the King of kings and Lord of Lords .... today I just feel far from HIM ... so you there ... the one who made it all the way to the end because you think I read your mail and can relate so well to what I wrote .... you are not alone .... your struggle is real ... depression hurts and doesnt always look like you might expect. Your friends and family think your just close minded or short tempered. No worries we know the truth. I know your pain. The hope I have for a future apart from this world keeps me holding on. I will pray for you .... pray for me. #depressionisugly #ifitcanhelpjustone #blogworthy
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 03:02:42 +0000
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