Reflecting on some things and it has sank in. Yep Im scared to death!! Not scared to return, scared of failing epically.. This however will not stop me, I have always been a go getter and give my all and Im confident, stronger, and learning a new way of life and this was my goal and I have reached it.. To soon? Only time will tell.. The worry of my circle is understandable for they have been with me for this life changing process and I love them for that more then they could ever imagine and sometimes I dont vocalize it enough I never have been a show of emotions but since this I guess I turned into a more so outspoken person and say it more frequent to those I trust. I have came across some bad habits in this process and am currently working on them, yes I cuss like a sailor and cant help it, it rolls out and I dont even notice it most of the time and this will give me the push to think before speaking and hopefully help me eliminate some of these bad habits because I have to much to lose and fought to reach this goal. The best medicine and therapy is beginning your life again as it was before it changed and Im excited and scared but know in my heart this is exactly what is best for me, I want off this road and when I get that call with the time to return Im not slamming the door just yet but I will wait until all my other therapies are done and I then will slam that door and hopefully will never again have to look back!! I will hold all those people dear to my heart for helping me to this point and I can say Im blessed to have one that will remain my friend for a lifetime she is love and light.. Rules are sometimes are meant to be broken in life the risk taken to reach out and help another human in the darkest parts of life that is love and I cant repay that but I will spend the rest of my life being as good of a friend as this person was to me.. All things happen for a reason.. I dont understand this reason but like to think that if this didnt happen I wouldnt have met some of the people I have and like I said I made a life long friendship out of this ever so painful deal! I held on literally by a thread at times, my cousin Lisa helped me on those nights when I needed to talk and vent she is a wise lady and got it.. Good thing for old texts cousin that I re- read over again and those this to shall pass pictures!! Indeed this is passing!! Now lets plan that trip to Ireland!! Then perhaps Italy at some point in my life!! Or even Florida!!!!!!!!! I love each and everyone of you and thank you the ones who actually know me and know I have changed and still never gave up and stuck with me! 💚 peace homies! Have a stellar day!!
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 20:20:33 +0000
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