Reflection (or what Im thankful for): When I went on vacation with family to Maryland, I reflected on this past year: my growth and ownership of being a teacher, in this case a professor, at a community college; the dedication to my art, thus finally releasing a book and taking on every stage as if I knew it would be my last; and getting into/ out of business partnerships that, were beneficial in learning what should and shouldnt be done. I allowed my resources to be given away to the point of becoming a naked man offering a shirt; a person no one could benefit from working with, not even myself. And as I was forced to transition due to foolish mistakes on my part, the pain of loneliness and uselessness grew. What was my offering, was the question: what was my purpose? It came back to me when I began reading Jonnetta Allens book, LIVING THROUGH THE AFTERMATH. By this time, the thought of running my own show was roaring, but what to call it ? Allen asked a question in her book that made me stop and think: What makes you uncomfortable ? What are you starving for? It soon became clear I was starving for evolution, for myself and others. I think back to the moment I met poetry: a homework assignment in high school to write a poem based on World War II. Here I was, the quiet one, Mr. no-after-school-activities, in class with popular people in the school….who read their poems out loud, paper shaking in their hands, mumbling but trying to sound like rappers. What the hell? How dare you waste my time like this? How dare you have the attention of an audience and use our time? Something snapped in me, and before I know it, I recite my poem to a standing ovation. That’s when I started thinking I had something. But at the time, I didn’t know of a south jersey poetry scene. My exposure to everything poetry, written and verbal, came from Rutgers-New Brunswick, Verbal Mayhem Poetry Collective Open Mic, Rutgers-Newark MFA, and the Newark scene. I received education with top-ranked poets in and out of the classroom. Not everyone is so privileged to be in those spaces, be it time, finances, etc., yet still need to work on their art, if not to develop it, then to develop themselves: to heal and practice self-care; to not feel as alone as I did and, on many days, still do. For some of you, I am “The Professor,” the teacher. Before that, I was the MFA student. I work to be more than just an academic, even though in more ways than one that has been my access to the community. But I want to be more, for myself and others. I want to learn from other people as I hope you learn something from me. All I can offer is honesty in artistry and accountability in activism. This is my activism. My purpose. To be a bridge, well-maintained, fully functional, that brings others in and out of Jersey together in the name of safe space, sensitive and tough love, critical thinking, open-mindedness, and just plain cat video laughing fun. I think of others who do this work. Those whim have done it longer, more leg work and longer pockets than I. What, then, can I offer that is different, that you can’t get anywhere else? This is the only answer I can give: me. Thorough yet aggressive. Honest, yet respectful, unless disrespected. Calculating in collaboration. Faults and failures still to sweat out of me. Making promises knowing good and well I am too proud of a person to fail myself and others who believe in me. To evolve is to be vulnerable, to know you must risk going against even the well-intended quota. Here I stand, open. Ready to fail and learn. Ready to create grow without hurting others, and owning up to it, no excuses, when I do. As a person first, artist second, I must be the safe space others need, on and off stage. I need the same from you. So please, let us hold each other accountable, be in conversation with each other without combativeness. Let us come together, and #EVOLVENJ.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 00:21:43 +0000
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