Reflections on being a dad: Shortly after Jack’s birth, I began writing him letters. These come from a desire to express my deep love for him. Jack will often jump up and down and smile with pure joy as he observes something that makes him happy. Inevitably he will turn around at some point and look at Kelly or me to make sure we are experiencing the same joy that he is. He wants to share his discoveries and joys with us. It is as though he is saying, “Are you guys seeing this? Come on, guys, look. Isn’t this great stuff? Why aren’t you dancing up and down with me?” In many ways I feel like Jack in that I want to share my observations and joy with others. Jack now expresses himself with wordless joy since he does not yet have the words to articulate his emotions. I, too, find myself in a sort of wordless joy as I struggle to find the words to describe the dance within my heart. I know there will come a point when I can no longer cradle Jack within my arms as he sleeps. There may come a time when I am too weak or fragile to put my arms around him. There may come a time when it may be awkward or embarrassing to let Jack know how much I love him. But there will never come a time that I will not hold him within my heart. There will never come a time that he will not startle my heart with profound love. There will never come a time that he will not be one of the greatest gift of my life. (Following is part of an excerpt of a letter I wrote to Jack when he was several weeks old) Jack, throughout your life, you will experience moments when the world seems to stand still and time is frozen. These moments will be etched into your heart as they become part of the fabric of who you are. I have heard it said that, “The human heart doesn’t measure time, it merely records growth.” Our hearts do not make very good watches, but they do capture and record events and moments that we can cherish for a lifetime. You birth was such a wondrous time for me. The moment you were born, the world around me stopped; I found myself suspended in time. I had felt you stirring in your mom’s belly many times as you kicked and rolled over. I longed to see you and to touch you. When I saw you emerge from your mother, I was truly awestruck. I knew I was looking into the face of love, a witness to the miracle of life. I will always remember watching you take your first gasp of air. I was looking at your beautiful, still face, when all at once your chest moved, your hands jerked, and you inhaled for the first time. As you took your first breath, I stood there holding mine with a smile upon my face and a tear in my eye. Jack, I have been privileged throughout my life to be present when people have taken their last breath. It may sound strange, but it really is a sacred and humbling moment literally to watch someone finish his journey on this earth and go home to God. But Jack, you are the only person I have ever seen take his first breath. What a privilege and honor it was to see you become fully alive. I hope and pray throughout your life, that with each breath you inhale, you take in the goodness of God, and that each time you exhale, you breathe out kindness, gratitude, and love. I want you to be amazed by love, swept away by love, lost in love, humbled by love. I want you to love and always know that you are loved. I want you to begin each day of life saying, “I cannot believe this is happening to me…” That is how I feel every time I close my eyes, open my heart and find myself in that timeless moment when you took your first breath. -------- Since Jack, Kelly and I have been triply blessed with: Claire, Kate and Luke! I am currently writing letters to all of them as well. This is my first post on Facebook, and as I do so I want to share my great love and gratitude in being both a husband and a dad!
Posted on: Sun, 16 Jun 2013 19:09:41 +0000
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