Regretfully, I will not be attending this evenings show, as I have a fever and have been puking my guts out today. There is also the matter of a rather unique rash on my abdomen. It seems to me to be in the shape of the Virgin Mary. Is it really a miracle, or just my feverish state of mind? I dont know if I should call a doc or fox news. Not that it really matters, but I keep wondering where I caught this miserable affliction. Its just a thing I do when Im sick. As I wallow in my misery, I try to decide who I contracted the illness from. Maybe its just a way to pass the time. Or maybe subconsciously I want to know who infected me, so when my health returns I can hunt them down and stab them in the heart with my thermometer to check their temperature, or send them a thank you card with some anthrax spores inside. So the current working theories for the source of my suffering are as follows: 1 - Perhaps somehow I got what my aunt Nancy had last week end, when she couldnt make it to the family Easter dinner because she was so ill. 2 - Maybe I got it from that tranny at Berlin the other night who started making out with me when I was waiting for my drink at the bar. I saw her later in the bathroom kneeling before the porcelain thrown. At the time, I figured she just had one to many. But maybe she had some horrible stomach virus and passed it on to me. 3 - The alien invasion has finally arrived. Those centipedes I keep finding and squishing are actually egg layers. However, one of them succeeded in depositing its load deep down my throat while I slept. Now I have an alien baby growing inside me. If I stab the alien with the thermometer, I run the risk of collateral damage from acid burns. Lets hope anthrax works on aliens. (Can you find the 5 truths?)
Posted on: Sun, 27 Apr 2014 01:18:35 +0000
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