Religion Explained Sunday School students tell about the Bible: -- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head. -- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, Man doth not live by sweat alone. -- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. -- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. -- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. -- The epistles were the wives of the apostles. -- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan. -- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. -- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. Bad Coffee Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. How old is the coffee you have here? I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter. She shrugged. I dont know. Ive only been working here two weeks. Bridal Suite... Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel. On their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But when the hotels bell captain escorted them upstairs, they were in for a big surprise. There must be some mistake, Woody said. This looks like the bridal suite. Its okay, the bell captain reassured him. If I put you in the ballroom, that doesnt mean you have to dance. The Family Feud A classic so funny, we just had to run it again... Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show Family Feud (Family Fortunes in the UK): Name something a blind person might use: a sword Name a song with moon in the title: blue suede moon Name a bird with a long neck: a penguin Name an occupation where you need a torch: a burglar Name a famous brother and sister: Bonnie and Clyde Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers: a horse Name something that floats in the bath: water Name something you wear on the beach: a deck chair Name something red: my cardigan Name a famous cowboy: Buck Rogers Name a famous royal: mail Name a number you have to memorize: 7 Name something you do before going to bed: sleep Name something you put on walls: roofs Name something in the garden thats green: a scarecrow Name something that flies that doesnt have an engine: dishes Name something you might be allergic to: skiing Name a famous bridge: the bridge over troubled waters Name something a cat does: goes to the toilet Name a continent: Italy Name something you do in the bathroom: decorate Name an animal you might see at the zoo: a dog Name something slippery: a con man Name a kind of ache: a pancake Name a food that can be brown or white: potato Name a potato topping: jam Name a famous Scotsman: Jock Another famous Scotsman: Vinnie Jones Name something with a hole in it: window Name a non-living object with legs: plant Name a domestic animal: leopard Name a part of the body beginning with N: knee Name a way of cooking fish: cod Name something you clean: your sister
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 19:50:46 +0000
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