Remove Toxic People And Toxic Relationships From Your Life This article isn’t intended to reprimand or paint toxic people in a negative light. Toxic people are usually in a place in their life where they are not open to constructive feedback or changing, so they are stuck in their current situation and don’t have the insight to see beyond their own struggles. And that’s okay. This article is meant to advocate for you so you don’t allow their negativity to impact your life. Don’t let toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and get them out of there. It’s important, though, to remember that some moody, negative people may be going through a difficult stage in their lives. They may be ill, chronically worried, or lacking what they need in terms of love and emotional support. Such people need to be listened to, supported, and cared for (although whatever the cause of their moodiness and negativity, you may still need to protect yourself from their behavior at times). But there’s another type of moody, negative behavior: that of the toxic bully, who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate. It’s this aspect of moodiness that inflicts enduring abuse and misery. If you observe these people closely, you will notice that their attitude is overly self-referential. Their relationships are prioritized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs. This is the kind of toxic behavior I want to look at in this post. I’m a firm believer that toxic mood swings (like chain letter emails) should not be inflicted on one person by another, under any circumstances. So how can you best manage the fallout from other people’s relentless toxicity? 1. Move on without them. If you know someone who insists on destructively dictating the emotional atmosphere, then be clear: they are toxic. If you are suffering because of their attitude, and your compassion, patience, advice, and general attentiveness doesn’t seem to help them, and they don’t seem to care one bit, then ask yourself, “Do I need this person in my life?” When you delete toxic people from your environment it becomes a lot easier to breathe. If the circumstances warrant it, leave these people behind and move on when you must. Seriously, be strong and know when enough is enough! Letting go of toxic people doesn’t mean you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it simply means you care about your own well-being. A healthy relationship is reciprocal; it should be give and take, but not in the sense that you’re always giving and they’re always taking. If you must keep a truly toxic person in your life for whatever reason, then consider the remaining points… 2. Stop pretending their toxic behavior is OK. If you’re not careful, toxic people can use their moody behavior to get preferential treatment, because… well… it just seems easier to quiet them down than to listen to their grouchy rhetoric. Don’t be fooled. Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you in a situation like this. Toxic people don’t change if they are being rewarded for not changing. Decide this minute not to be influenced by their behavior. Stop tiptoeing around them or making special pardons for their continued belligerence. Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with. 3. Speak up! Stand up for yourself. Some people will do anything for their own personal gain at the expense of others – Most of these people know they’re doing the wrong thing and will back down surprisingly quickly when confronted. In most social settings people tend to keep quiet until one person speaks up, so SPEAK UP. 4. Put your foot down. Your dignity may be attacked, ravaged and disgracefully mocked, but it can never be taken away unless you willingly surrender it. It’s all about finding the strength to defend your boundaries. Demonstrate that you won’t be insulted or belittled. Truly toxic people will pollute everyone around them, including you if you allow them. 5. Don’t take their toxic behavior personally. It’s them, not you. KNOW this. Toxic people will likely try to imply that somehow you’ve done something wrong. And because the “feeling guilty” button is quite large on many of us, even the implication that we might have done something wrong can hurt our confidence and unsettle our resolve. Don’t let this happen to you. Remember, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. Most toxic people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with. Even when the situation seems personal – even if you feel directly insulted – it usually has nothing to do with you. What they say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection. 6. Practice practical compassion. Sometimes it makes sense to be sympathetic with toxic people whom you know are going through a difficult time, or those who are suffering from an illness. There’s no question about it, some toxic people are genuinely distressed, depressed, or even mentally and physically ill, but you still need to separate their legitimate issues from how they behave toward you. If you let people get away with anything because they are distressed, facing a medical condition, or depressed, even, then you are making it too tempting for them to start unconsciously using their unfortunate circumstance as a means to an end. Some toxic people may use anger as a way of influencing you, or they may not respond to you when you’re trying to communicate, or interrupt you and suddenly start speaking negatively about something dear to you. If ever you dare to speak up and respond adversely to their moody behavior, they may be surprised, or even outraged, that you’ve trespassed onto their behavioral territory. Why do we allow others to steal our sense of self and cause chaos in our lives? It’s time for that foolishness to stop right now. You deserve better from the people around you. No one – no matter who they are or what position they hold in your life – has the right to infect your environment with negativity, make you feel bad about who you are, cause you to feel fear or hurt of any kind, or try to force you to live the life they think is best for you. You have the right to remove these toxic relationships and people from every area of your life. Yes. Despite what you’ve been told or raised to believe, you absolutely do have that right. If you feel the need to excuse a large chunk of someone’s personality –you are already consciously aware that something is very wrong with the way they interact with others. You are not responsible for the actions of grown people capable of taking responsibility for themselves and their behavior. Take a step back and ask yourself if your time is best spent excusing inexcusable behavior – or if there are areas of your life you’d rather spend it on. And remember: you don’t have to deal with it yourself either. Most important: a person who is toxic cannot be changed by you. We can change ourselves but have no control over how others live their lives. A toxic person is the only one who can alter the way they deal with people and situations. Spoiler alert: the chance of that happening is slim. Change for toxic people is not impossible. Change is always possible for those who recognize a negative trait within themselves or realize they are moving in the wrong direction. Sadly, for some toxic people, this self-realization doesn’t come until they find they are completely alone. For most, this ah-ha moment never happens. The reason the toxic person in your life isn’t likely to suddenly become a supportive, non-confrontational human being is a little depressing – but no less accurate. Toxic people rarely see their negative behavior for what it is, take responsibility for their actions, or consider their actions to be the cause of the problems in their own life. Is Someone In Your Life Toxic? The primary characteristic across all “types” of toxic people is complete self-absorption. Their needs, wants, and emotions are the only ones that matter. Any effort on your part to change their focus is almost always futile because they will bring it back to them, their problems, their misery, their anger at the world. The toxic relationships and/or people in your life will eat up your time, your resources, and your sense of well-being – leaving nothing behind. Much like a locust does to crops. Munch, munch, munch until you have nothing left to give. Most toxic relationships end for one of two reasons. Either the non-toxic person finally realizes that nothing will change and walks away or the toxic person becomes offended over a perceived slight or petty misunderstanding and cuts the non-toxic person from their life like a puzzle piece that no longer fits. That’s right – for all their issues, toxic relationships and people are the most judgmental and unforgiving personalities you’ll ever encounter. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Negativity Is Contagious By allowing yourself to be subjected to unhealthy relationships, you are inviting unnecessary stress, fear, guilt, self-doubt, and sadness to take up permanent residence in your life. When you purposefully remove toxic relationships and toxic people from your life, you take back control of your emotional happiness and prevent stressful relationships from affecting you physically. Negative energy from toxic people affect your energy level, not to mention your stress and anxiety. Ultimately, it’s your health and well-being, so you are responsible for taking care of it! You need to create space for positive change to happen. Being in toxic relationships with people and allowing their negative energy into your life will hold you back from manifesting opportunities for your success. Also, releasing negative people will create space for the positive folks to enter, who will encourage, support, and help you grow as a person. Toxic people can make you sick. So, You deserve to surround yourself with people who accept you unconditionally, support your plans, encourage your dreams, and make you feel happier simply being around them. Don’t wait another day – your moments are valuable. Make them count.
Posted on: Fri, 21 Mar 2014 06:05:15 +0000
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