Round Seven – featuring the final round-robin matches of The Squash Games – was played last night at Remuera. It seemed to be a successful night; the food was delicious, the beer was cold, and no injuries, tears, sobs, weeping or hissy fits stand out in the memory. There were, however, some ridiculously good matches. So many good showdowns it will be a real struggle to recount them all here. Apologies in advance to the many players who performed well, but will miss out on a name drop in this week’s helter-skelter write-up. The match of the night was undoubtedly Michael Sunderland vs. Andre Wagenaar, who spent 85 minutes clashing like two great stags contesting a hind. But instead of a hind, they were fighting for the ‘W’, rutting and snorting and trying to prove to one and all who is the taller, stronger stag with the finest antlers. All very dramatic stuff, as one would expect when blue plays red. I don’t need to tell you guys that when two primary colours throw down, shit gets real in a hurry. Suffice to say that after 85 minutes of gruelling squash, Sunderland had run out the winner, snatching a place in the warm, cosy confines of A1 as he did so (but pickpocketing André of his own A1). The balance of squash to Sunderland’s monologues during these 85 minutes cannot be confirmed, but by the sweaty state of the court at the end I think we can safely say that even between Sunderland soliloquys there was some pretty tough squash happening. If there was a grading system for being super-well prepared, Sunderland would no doubt be A1 at that too, being on hand to lend this humble scribe a spare pair of underwear… for the second time this month. Mark Waldin and Lisa Cowlard celebrated their recent selection in the New Zealand Masters team to take on Australia in Canberra in September in contrasting style. Mark, up against the wrath of Semo Old, found himself down a match ball in the third set, before launching a Ulysses S. Grant-esque comeback to win in five sets. Lisa did the opposite, stunning Ellie Epke with a sharp array of strokeplay to storm to a 2-0 lead. Although Ellie slowly gnawed away at this lead (she gnawed at it steadily, but definitely more slowly than Jo with her bone at Herne Bay a few weeks ago) and came back to win, but still a great performance from Lisa. Earlier in the night on the very same court Michelle Heron put in a player of the night (#POTN) performance in beating Tanya Laurence in three. Michelle was worried about getting home safely after consuming her #POTN Heineken… no news is probably good news though... right? Good work Michelle! And good work Tanya, who has played for three different teams in Squash Games, and come up with exemplary outfits each time - #A1atdressingup. On the same court, Matiu (looking more malnourished, hungry and depressed without Sophie with every week that passes) overcame his recent diet of two minute noodles and baked beans to push Lance to five sets. After a holiday in Australia playing PSA tournaments, Lance was always going to be in for a rude awakening when returning to the pressure-cooker intensity of The Squash Games, but I think even he was shocked at how tough the transition was. Another man looking thin and emaciated was Richard Thompson. But after missing the last two rounds for a school camp, why would he have lost weight? Unless the rumours circulating are true, and the school camp was merely a cover story for him being off renewing his vows and having a second honeymoon! And banging! Banging so much that he lost several kg of weight. I know which version of the story I prefer. Thin or not, he played well enough to get past Leigh Hinds in three sets, and along with Kerry and Anna pull Aqua to yet another victory. Kerry’s victory was particularly impressive. Having just days ago gone through the trauma of being beaten up by Charles Saatchi in London, to travel to Auckland and play well enough to beat Trina in three is impressive – although it was sad that she had to play in a scarf. Little surprise that Aqua played so impressively last night, as they were bidding farewell to inspirational number one David “Not just anyone,” Noone who is off on holiday on Saturday and likely to miss the remainder of the competition (I say likely, as the Aqua team still seem to hold hope that he will change his mind and fly back). RIP Noone. Ricardo Stanley played two almost perfect sets of squash to race out to lead Sion Wiggin early, but eventually became the latest of Chief Wiggin’s scalps. On the same court, some were surprised that Todd was able to turn up bearing his squash rackets and shoes, presuming that Baycorp would have repossessed them by now in lieu of fine payment. In the end it didn’t matter, as his rackets were of little to use to him as he was put to the sword by Michael Pittams. Put to the sword and thrashed! In four close sets. If there was an A1 for thrashing Todd (closely) in four sets, Pittams would definitely be one. To summarise the night, #TSP beat #greenwithenvy 3/1, #gingashavemorefun beat #bigbirdsfolife 3/1, Red beat Blue 3/2 and Aqua beat Purple 3/1. This created some ties in the leaderboard, which have been TRANSPARENTLY broken using head to head results during round robin play. Therefore the semi-final match ups (at Herne Bay on 4 July) will be: Pink vs. Aqua and Orange vs. Blue. The plate semi-finals will be: Yellow vs. Green and Red vs. Purple. Ding-dong battles one and all. The following week (Friday 12 July) the finals will be played at Harcourts Eden Epsom to decide the glorious victor of The Squash Games, the final/minor placings, and to treat yo’self (youtube/watch?v=-K4if6QkDbo) to a few delicious cold brewskis using the fines money collected throughout the year. Advance warning: all players and reserves are welcome for the finals (Jutta is booking flights as we speak), and will be expected to bring a friend with them on the night (or receive a ph-fat fine). This will ensure a sweet atmosphere for the finals, and hopefully introduce some new people to our fantastic sport #vote4squash. Thanks to Remuera for hosting, and KVB, Ailes and Christine for cooking – they would definitely be A1s in the kitchen. #deepdowninsideweareallA1
Posted on: Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:28:24 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015