Rules-based: Theres something that I want to do but it makes me feel icky to think of you doing it, so Im going to institute a structure in which I get what I want but you dont get the same thing, and somehow rationalize it away as fair using any number of pop psych or logical terms or other forms of mental gymnastics. Rules-based: Theres something that I want to do but it makes me feel icky to think of you doing it, so Im going to magnanimously sacrifice my desire so that you cant do it either, and that way I never have to face the underlying issue about why its OK for me to want it but not OK for you to do it. If we both cant do it, then its fair. Boundary-based: Theres something that I want to do but it bothers me to think of you doing it. I am completely aware that this is a double standard and there is no rational reason for it. This doesnt mean that you cant do it, but it does mean that I will probably have a freak-out if you do, and Id like to ask for your help and support to get through it so that you have the freedom to make choices about your life and I still feel nurtured when I hit an insecurity. Rules-based Masquerading As Boundary-based: Theres something that I want to do but it makes me feel icky to think of you doing it, so Im going to grudgingly allow you to do it and use my reaction as a weapon every time you do, so that you will begin to make choices based on *my* insecurities and youll think that its fair because your sacrifice will be by choice. You dont want to *hurt* me, right?
Posted on: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 22:34:02 +0000
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