S.O.S. - Stuck on Stupid Mrs. McKinney, you have had a Cerebral Accident” said my doctor and it is going to take some time to overcome your injuries. I said really? A Cerebral Accident? When did that happen? Where, What? How long will it take for me to recover from this? She smiled sweetly and said, this is the medical term for what we call a stroke and/or seizures. I said, oh, I thought this was something new going on in me and you are gently preparing me for more bad news! She said, I am trying to explain to you what has been going on in your head since March and what we can see from your test results; what you can expect to happen in the next few months; and to equip you with tools as to how to deal with some of the changes you are currently experiencing. I said, thank you doctor, I thought I was going insane! She said why would you think that? I said since the onset of my Cerebral Accident I experience so many things that are unfamiliar! I get a sense of being lost and I don’t know what to do. I walk in a room and I get frustrated and easily agitated not knowing why I am in the room in the first place or forgetting what I doing. I guess I am tired and don’t understand the purpose of this “Cerebral Accident”. She said, during the accident, you lost use of some brain cells, motor functions, you experience lapse of time, and loss of strength including the ability to walk and talk clearly, but there are some things you can do to over come and develop other areas in your brain to perform these functions. I said, is it the medicine or the injury causing these side effects I just told you about? Sometimes when I hear people speak, their conversations are hard for me to follow and it takes me some time to process the logic of the words they are speaking. Its frustrating when things do not make any sense and I feel overwhelmed and confused. What should I do? Is it always going to be this way for me? She said, we need to work on re-teaching your brain some new functions and develop new cells and skills. You can do this by learning a second language and playing video games and cards. Solitaire should really help you. It helps with analytically thinking and processing. She said, please take some notes, write what you feel and of those various conversations that make no sense so we can review at our next visit. At that time, we can evaluate and discuss the thought process you are experiencing. I said ok, I will give this a try. I have always liked spider solitaire and it is loaded on my computer at home. In options section, it gives me a percentage ratio of wins to losses so I track myself. So I cleared the results history and began playing immediately when I got home. I also began using my cell phone to take notes and record thoughts so I dont forget and/or can reflect or process the conversations later when I feel confused. Now, for the past several weeks, I have been playing cards and taking notes and have been so mad and frustrated!!! This is not working!! I cant win a hand and this game use to be so easy for me. Augh! After the Cerebral Accident, I couldnt draw a happy face on a piece of paper and now I cant play cards either? I can hear music, I can know the words to a million different songs but I still cant sing out loud! (Hmmm, I wonder if I can walk and chew gum at the same time?? Ooops! Note to self: SQUIRREL!!! Focus Isabel, focus! Learn to avoid insignificant distractions and stay on course. *sigh*) I was looking forward to playing solitaire again but I also wanted to play, be successful and win! My hubby was getting frustrated with me because I was waking up in the middle of the night to play over and over, trying to win just one hand. He would wake up and see me gone and get worried thinking I was in the house fallen somewhere and that I couldnt get up. Oh, the geriatric joys of getting older This obsessive determination to win a hand has been going on for several weeks now until I finally just wanted to throw in the towel and admit defeat. I felt my heart waiving a white flag of surrender and I started to cry! Lord, S.O.S.! I surrender! Help me please!! :( Am I ever going to do these simple tasks again? When am I going to be NORMAL. Lord, I am tired and I feel like I am Stuck on Stupid!! While I was crying, I heard a soft bedside manner voice like the tone my doctor was using and it said, Isabel, you are already NORMAL but it is going to take some time to get used to this new body. Many people are STUCK on STUPID and dont realize it and they are walking around self righteously un-diagnosed. Then, that Forrest Gump “voice over” in my head said, “Momma always said, “Stupid is as Stupid does!” Augh!!! Exhausted, I cried a little more and then fell asleep. I felt lost, defeated and life wasnt making simple sense. Run Forrest Run!! Don’t worry about the box of chocolates or what you are or are not ever going to get. But then the voice of defeat spoke again; Yep, Stuck on Stupid (heavy sigh)! No bueno! So I took my phone to the next doctor visit to go over my notes with her. She had a patient backlog that day and I had to WAIT to be seen. Augh, agitation and irritability started to kick in and it seemed to be the atmosphere of the entire room. My eyes were tired and my vision blurred and I found myself closing my eyes and just listening to various conversations taking place around me. I wanted to go home. I was not comfortable in this hard chair. I could not concentrate. I shifted in my chair trying to get comfortable but was not able. Thanks a lot Doc for over booking and causing me this delay, sheessshhh! Augh!! I closed my eyes frustrated when my ears zoomed into a conversation between two women about this ungrateful woman they both knew who did not appreciate her wonderful, handsome husband, I zoned in. Apparently, the woman they were discussing complained and nagged too much and the husband was so unhappy! He did not have a job and the wife worked two jobs. When she came home each night, he was tired of her not giving him enough attention and was upset that she spent so much time working, that the house was untidy and that she did not cook him dinner. Their love life was failing and when the wife came home, all she did daily for him was complain and nag of those things he was not doing for her! He could have chosen to marry so many other women who were more beautiful than she and poor guy, his wife was so ungrateful and miserable to be around. She even had stopped taking care of herself. She was grouchy all the time and then I heard one of the women say, you know Ethel, I am a good Christian woman and I dont wish that B wife any harm, but I hope he just leaves her! He can do better! She is so ungrateful and she does not deserve him! I opened one eye, and then looked at the two women. I apologized saying, I am sorry, I dont mean to eavesdrop but what is wrong with the logic of the world? Poor abused, mistreated man. No man deserves to be unfed or ignored by his wife. What a horrible living environment. The two women shook their heads and agreed with an AMEN. Then I said, ladies, I am a praying woman and it sounds like he is need of our intercessory prayer for deliverance from his situation. One of the women said yes indeed, we should pray. So we closed our eyes and I said, Lord, I pray this man gets delivered from this hardworking woman and that you send this man back home to live out all his days with his manipulative bitter mother! How dare his poor hardworking wife suffer and be sad, bitter and complain. Because she is giving her all to provide for them both, she is failing to take care of herself! She doesnt even receive a meal made by her husband after working hard all day long at two jobs. Lord, in the book of Proverbs, your word says, he who does not work does not eat! Please give this man all he deserves and rebuke him for being slothful and lazy! Also Lord, rebuke these two Christian women today for gossiping and exposing their lack of love and support committed against their daughter-in-law. Restore the wifes sorrows and return her joy to her as her husband packs up his “mommas boy, tightie whities” and goes back home to live with his mother for the remainder of his days where he can whine and complain in misery for the rest of THEIR lives. Punish those that with the venom of their words put this marriage asunder and by their stupidity and lack of knowledge encouraged and promoted this man into becoming a disabled idiot. AMEN! I opened my eyes and turned on my phone to make a note before I would forget. I heard my husband whisper, sorry ladies for my wifes interruption of your conversation, but she has had a cerebral accident and sometimes she has to make a quick note to remind herself what she needs to remember. I am sure she will continue to pray for you all. I then looked up, smiled and winked at both of them. I saw both ladies stare back with their mouths wide open. NOTE TO SELF: Still cant win at cards just yet, but I know I will soon! I AM PROGRESSING EACH DAY! WOOT WOOT!!! Today, I realized I can smile and wink my eyes at the same time! Facial muscles are getting stronger and improving. Illogical conversations can be resolved and processed easily through prayer. Speech is still a struggle but writing abilities are getting better each day. Scripture verses and memory recall are coming back strong and with great clarity! I can LAUGH when I am frustrated or agitated and I can dress and put on MY OWN garments of praise! Thank you Lord because I can see new healings and miracles surrounding me each day and I know so can other’s as I see them standing with their jaws dropped in awe of all you are doing! Lord, thank you for allowing me to see every delay and being still not meant to make me uncomfortable, but so that you can do a work in other’s around me. P.S. I am loving my “NEW NORMAL”! No matter what the trial, tribulation, obstacle, sickness or bad report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on those things!!! AMEN!!! Fyi, Auntie Gloria Branch your neice is an overachiever! Not only have I re-learned how to draw a happy face, I can draw other faces of emotions too! Ta-Da!!! :)
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 23:12:45 +0000
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