SEA SHOWERS I didn’t realize it at the time, but we had already begun our training: The curious nuts to butts thing was all about the importance of a) the whole over the one, and b) the expectation of a literal following of orders. The whole being greater and more important than any individual was reinforced as we waited for all the guys to get their box lunches (it’s dinner time for F*&k’s sake! I’m hungry!). We waited until all of us were again formed up into our three columns, at which time, SN Export-A & company galloped us back to the “forming” barracks, where we were able to ravenously consume our meal once everyone was back inside. We were ravenous, and ate in complete silence. A couple guys had apparently never heard of “don’t volunteer for anything,” because when SN Export-A asks for “a couple of you guys” to police the area & be sure all the meal mess was four oh’d & shit cans dumped, two or three kids began doing just that. “Suckers.” I think to myself.” “OK guys, listen up.” Says SN Export-A. A buzz began as the clean-up commenced, gaining steadily yet ever so gradually greater in volume. For a second, we were not new Coast Guardsmen, we were not a diverse group of young men anxious about this decision. We were young men at the end of one kind of journey: deciding to commit to the Guard, and all the mental and emotional weight that process carries. We had made it to boot camp, had endured whatever obstacles we had faced. We had been run hard & screamed at all day. We had finally been fed & suddenly, these 40 or so complete strangers were sharing in the end of that journey and the beginning of the next. “Hey! Pay attention, this is more important than you know.” He has our complete attention now, so he continues. “When you are underway, fresh water to drink, cook and bathe with is limited to the size of the storage tanks on board. Many cutters are able to make fresh water, however their capacity is limited. Fresh water priorities are given to the engineering plant and galley needs, so fresh water becomes the most important thing to conserve when underway. Every drop is precious.” “We all still need to bathe, and because most Coast Guard details are sea-going, tonight I am going to teach you about how we keep smelling fresh & clean and have enough water left for all the other shipboard needs. This is a whole new concept to pretty much all of you guys, and it is called sea showers. Sea showers are pretty simple, really. You turn on the water & get wet. You turn off the water. You lather up. You turn on the water, rinse off. You turn off the water.” “The showers are just over there.” Says SN Export-A, looking to his right. One of his little sidekicks was standing at the entrance to a darkened room just beyond. At the exact moment SN Export-A glanced in that direction, the sidekick flipped the switch energizing the lights in the showers. It looked like a giant tile covered, L shaped corridor. Rows of shower heads lined up smartly on either side, all the way down to where the “corridor” made a sudden 90 degree turn to the right and continuing on to who knows where after that. “You have 90 seconds.” “Man!” I thought. “That’s impossible; it takes longer than that to get the water the right temperature for crying out loud.” At that precise moment, King Neptune took possession of SN Export-A. I shit you not! I’m telling you, I WAS THERE! OK, maybe it wasn’t a complete possession, but there was no mistaking the booming, all encompassing, ear hair vibrating “DID I FU*&^NG STUTTER?” from SN Export-A’s mouth. It was not human, and could only have possibly come from the ruler of the seas. This, of course, was only the first of several scathing expletives to be launched at us. “YOU NOW HAVE 85 SECONDS. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? I SAID TURN TO GODDAMIT!” Extra emphasis was added by the lingering of the last T sound. I think it was right around 83 seconds by the time I got the message and hauled ass to the showers. Guys were kicking off sneakers, some being launched clear across the room. Others remembered the shoes halfway through getting out of the coveralls. Guys were hopping around all over the place in varying stages of undress. I imagine it looked pretty funny. “Oh shit!” I think to myself. “I guess I never thought of that.” ….Next: NAKED part one
Posted on: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 18:55:42 +0000
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