SEASON TWO Insert #three #Malingcwaliswe I must have dosed off when the burning disc started to show/creeping over the horizontal. Umsobomvu. Nothing more beautiful than the orange sun after the dark night! The promise of a new day... A good day.... A glorious day! Then with my eyes still closed, I went for Welamaza, reaching for her, reaching for her side of the bed! Panic grabbed me the moment my hand came back cold! She was not there, her side felt cold and empty! *replayed* It was one of those nightmares that I had a couple of nights after she went away! Me grabbing for her and finding nothing! Suddenly ALERT!I As my eyeballs went from corner to corner! Searching,but Couldnt see any sign of her! I wanted to scream her name but I was scared!! I was petrified! I threw the covers and barefoot, my heart drumming hard I went to the lounge, fear choking me, she wouldnt do that to me again, she wouldnt leave! Would she? My shoulders relaxed when I saw her ehleli phantsi at the couch! With her fingers drumming the armrest of the couch! Far in thoughts, far into her misery! Wanyibilika umphefumlo wam, as I studied her! Not wanting to disturb her, she seem the same yet not! I knew she lost some weight and that only making her fixes sharp, her chick bones strong, the was certain change in her, she seemed to carry the world in her bony shoulders! She looked as if she could break no not break but shatter in tiny pieces! *does that make sense?* Utshintshile uMfazi wam, she still Welamaza but yet not! I couldnt put my finger on what changed but the aura around her distant, even sitting down, she seemed to have this invisible cold glass around her! Me,Baby? She turned with a smirk on her face. Me,Sekutyiwe ukutya kwasekseni. . . ? Her eyes, her beautiful round big eyes looked at me vacantly as if I was speaking a foreign language, her mouth moved as to attar a word but then seem to think better of it and she looked down! I watched her,lost! I broke the silence,Masihambeni,lets go and eat with family I turned not waiting for an answer, ran back to brush my teeth and I re-entered the lounge, she was still in the same spot, I stood next to her and she stood up, I entwined my fingers with her, her hand feeling like a dead fish in my hand. Walking for breakfast dead silenced.... *I needed to talk to fill the void in my heart, to silence the questions that questioned my head and to lull the pain in my heart!! With my other hand, I scratched the back of my head! Were my hair had stood still. I wanted to scream!! GOD!!! I wanted my wife back!!! Oh Nkosi yam I wanted my wife back!! Ndifuna uWelamaza wam abuye!!!* I tighten her hand. #Welamaza First,ndahamba ndinga tshongo Kwanto,obviously uMama noTata bebezondibuza uba bendyephi or something in that field! Bendizothini? Every step brought me closer and closer to my grave! I was scared! Apart of me wished bendingazanga kwalapha! I wanted to run again, but I was exhausted of running *oh! Kunini ndibaleka!* ,As each step drew us closer and closer! I started to sweat! I wanted to wipe my hand on my clothing but I also needed that solidarity, that strength that Solomzi seemed to offer! I sighed hard as we entered the sitting room. My eyes firmly on the ground like I was looking for something! My mind doing a 360! Tata,Thyini ntombi yam, Ndiyavuya, ndiyavuya Mayakzi ubuyile!. He excitedly voiced,my words hid. Tata,Yazi ntombam,besifuna ukuya nyan nyan,kaloku nawe sewungumtana wethu ngok even though izinto zi contradicter,ubugqirha ne bible kodw----,Solomzi intensely chuckled and interrupted Kodwa ndinixelele uba ningayi. Then the puzzle fit itself! The picture ever so bright! The reason why zange baye omalume maka Solomzi,the reason why zange bayovela. . . All of it! It made sense now! He lied,protecting me! Wathi kwenzelwa uBussie izinto zama gqirha. . ! Knowing that they wouldnt c--- Mama intruded my thoughts,Kodwa hai mtakabawo! Yena zeyquqa pha! As she laid the table. I uttered to my husband across the table,Enkosi. Waqhubeleka utata waya-waya about the so called ceremony . *How lucky am I?* I thought within. Ziyahlabana nenkolelo zakho, Mna ndivuyela nje ubukho bakho! Kaloku mtanam indawo yakho iyabonakala xa ungekho,soke siculelwa kamnandi,hai ubuyilo buka Solomzi! He carried on. Oh kodwa ndiyamthanda utata yhazi! Ndazicingela ndisitsho! My heart lifted a little, I thought I could hope, I could really be well! Wayequbeka utata ethetha endibalisela ngokwenzekileyo,kaloku mtanam, kubalulekile ukubeka uyihlo nonyoko, itsho incwadi engcwele! Yilonto ke ndingazange ndikhathazeke xa uye kowenu wathi esotsho lo mazwi kwathi xoko entliziyweni, ndicinga endikushiye ngemva! Umama yena wayebona endijonga, ndandiwava amehlo akhe ehlaba apha kum, nangona ndandijonge esityeni sam, ndathi mandiphakamise amehlo kancinci, ndangqwamana nakamama, ndakhawulezisa ndajonga phantsi, ndimanyunywana, ixhala/guilt/ ukubamdaka! Saqhubeka ke sisitya utata ethetha umama ebona esithi! Mhhh!! Ewe Tata As she constantly stole gazes at my tummy. Suka waphakama *khwitshi* waya ekhitshini! Apho kwavakala ngo gilikiqi wezitya, kuthe kungekudala wabuya, ephethe I imagi enobisi! Wayibeka phambi kwam,Sela ndathi ndisathi. . . Me,enkosi m-- wandiqhawula esithi,Ubhityile, uzintambo zikaJerikho, kucacile ukuba bengakondli pha! Wandiphendulela utata ndisaxakwe ngamazwi. Tata, Hayi kaloku mama, bekufanele ukuba ehle, angeke tu kubemnandi ukuhlala ngaphandle komyeni wakhe worse ke xa ne beliefs zakhe zizakulwa ngaphakathi!. Tata,Hayi wena mtanam nomama lo, wayebhitya xa ndisegoli, nina bantu bangamabhinqa niyakuthanda ukuthandwa- - - *watsho ehleka eqhubeleka nokubalisa ukuba okwenzekeliyo ngexesha ebendingekho ngalo! Wabuza nokuba bayaphila na ekhaya, wabe sele esithi ecela uxolo akazukwazi ukubuza ngomsebenzi kodwa uyavuya ukuba wahamba kakuhle, my hubby patted my thigh benieth the table before he squizzed me and I looked at him, really looked at him since I came home and I smiled.... Maybe, just maybe kuzolunga( I mean I know kuzolunga!) I thought as I stood up clearing the table! Maybe all will be well!! Maybe being home would make me find myself again! I thought as I Walked to the kitchen ne zitya. #LIES_BREED_MORE_LIES Will post again #chuckles ,Ndiyathembisa. One question though,How do you and Solomzi know that I never slept on Insert #two ?
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 16:18:04 +0000
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