SEE MAGAZINE RELATIONAL STORY (TESTIMONY OF THE WEEK) The List That Saved My Marriage There came that day when I thought I had lasted as long as I could in my marriage. As soon as my husband left for work, I packed a bag for myself and our 14-month-old son and left my parents’ home. We were living in the same town as my parents. Obviously the convenience of being able to run to Mom and Dad made my decision to leave my husband easier. With a tear-stained, angry face, I walked into Moms kitchen. She held the baby while I sobbed my declaration of independence. Mom listened and replied that she and Dad would help me. Well, I was comforted to know theyd be there for me. Then she said, But before you leave your husband, I have one task for you to complete. Mom put down my sleeping son, took a sheet of paper and pen, and drew a vertical line down the middle of the page. She told me to list in the left column all the things my husband did that made him impossible to live with. As I looked at the dividing line, I thought shed then tell me to list all his good qualities on the right hand side. I was determined to have a longer list of bad qualities on the left. This is going to be easy, I thought. My pen started immediately to scribble down the left column. I wrote down how my husband never picked his clothes off the floor. He never told me when he was going outside. He slept in church. He had embarrassing, nasty habits such as blowing his nose or belching at the dinner table. He never bought me nice presents. He refused to match his clothes. He was tight with money. He wouldnt help with the housework. He didnt talk with me. The list went on and on until Id filled the page. I certainly had more than enough evidence to prove that no woman would be able to live with that man. Smugly I said to mom, Now I guess youre going to ask me to list all of his good qualities on the right side. No, mom replied. I already know your husbands good qualities. Instead, for each item on the left side, I want you to write how you respond. What do you do? This was even tougher than listing his good qualities. Id been thinking about the very few, good qualities I could list about my husband. I hadnt considered thinking about myself. I knew Mom wasnt going to let me get by without completing her assignment. So I had to start writing. My response to my husband’s bad qualities; I had pout, cried, and gotten angry. I had been embarrassed to be with him. I had acted like a martyr. I had wished I had married someone else. I had given him the silent treatment. I had felt I was too good for him. The list seemed endless. When I reached the bottom of the page, Mom picked up the paper and went to the drawer. She took scissors and cut the paper down the vertical line. Taking the left column, she wadded it in her hand and tossed it into the trash. Then she handed me the right column She said to me, Take this list back to your house. Spend today reflecting on these things in your life. Pray about them. Ill keep the baby until this afternoon. If you sincerely do what I ask and still want to leave your husband, Dad and I will do all we can to assist you. Leaving my luggage and son, I drove back to our house. When I sat on my couch with the piece of paper, I couldnt believe what I was facing. Without the balancing catalogue of my husband’s annoying habits, the list looked horrifying. I saw a record of petty behaviors, shameful practices, and destructive responses. I spent the next several hours asking God for forgiveness. I requested for strength, guidance, and wisdom concerning the changes I needed to make. As I continued to pray, I realized how ridiculously Id behaved. I could barely remember the transgressions Id written for my husband. How absurd could I be? There was nothing immoral or horrible on that list. I had honestly been blessed with a good man—not a perfect one, but a good one. I thought back five years. I had made a vow to my husband. I would love and honor him in sickness and health. I would be with him for better or for worse. I said those words in the presence of God, my family, and friends. Yet only this morning, Id been ready to leave him for trivial annoyances. I jumped back in the car and drove to my parents house. I marveled at how different I felt from when Id first made the trip to see Mom. I now felt peace, relief, and gratitude. When I picked up our son, I was dismayed by how willing Id been to making such a drastic change in his life. My pettiness almost cost our son the opportunity to be exposed daily to a wonderful father. Quickly, I thanked my mother and flew out through the door to return home. By the time my husband was back from work, I was unpacked and waiting. Id love to say that my husband changed. He didnt. He still did all those things that embarrassed and annoyed me, and made me want to explode. The difference came in me. From that day forward, I had to be responsible not only for my actions in our marriage, but also for my reactions. I think back to one of the items I wrote earlier amongst his bad qualities: He slept in church. The minute he began to doze always marked the end of my worship time. Back then, I thought he was rudely uninterested in the message—and my dad was the preacher! It didnt matter that my husband was unable to stay awake any time he sat for a longer period. The entire time he spent nodding, I spent fuming. Id squirm in the pew, feeling humiliated. Id wonder why I ever married this man. I knew he didnt deserve a wife as godly as I was. Yet now I could see myself as I truly am. My pride was hampering a valuable portion of my life—my worship. This problem wasnt my husband’s; it was mine. Now, when he fall asleep in church, I begin to bathe that time in gratitude and prayer. I took my eyes off him and myself and looked to God. Instead of leaving the services in anger, I left in joy. It wasnt long before my husband noticed a difference. He remarked at lunch one Sunday, You seem to be enjoying the services more lately. I was beginning to think you didnt like the preacher. My immediate instinct was to explain how hed ruined so many services for me. But instead, I accepted his statement without defense. There have been many times through the years Ive had to remake the list. Ive continued to ask God to forgive my pathetic reactions and give me his wisdom in dealing with my marriage. Many times Ive thanked God for a mother who was a spiritual mentor. Though she must have been tempted, she didnt preach to me or offer her opinion on my behavior. She guided me in discovering a truth that have saved a most treasured possession—my marriage. If I hadnt learned to respond as a Christian wife to my husbands small problems, I wouldnt be able to respond appropriately to his larger ones.” Becky SEE: For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments and his commandments are not grievous (1 John 5:3). And this commandment have we from him, that he who love God love his brother also (1 John 4:21). Let’s therefore take a moment to assess our responses to our spouses and all we relate with….as we allow God’s Spirit work in us to be “swift to hearing, slow to speaking and slow to anger”(James 1:19)….and it shall be well with our relationships in Jesus name. BLESSED/ENCOURAGED/INSPIRED BY SEE MAGAZINE RELATIONAL TESTIMONY OF THE WEEK? MAKE A DIFFERENCE WITH US: Like us/Share this link with someone: facebook/seeinspirationsmag. …. Share your inspiring testimony by mailing to: Chiefeditor@seeinspirationsmagazine ….. (We overcome by the blood of the lamb & by the word of our testimony….Rev 12:11). SEE INSPIRATIONS MAGAZINE IS A NOT-FOR-SALE FULL-COLOUR, ALL GLOSS MAGAZINE DOCUMENTING TRUE LIFE TURNING POINT STORIES OF EVERYDAY PEOPLE TO STIR UP HOPE, STRENGTHEN FAITH, SAVE SOULS & MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THE GLORY OF GOD. SEE INSPIRATIONS MAGAZINE IS DROPPED FREELY IN HOTELS, HOSPITALS, PRISONS, CHURCHES/MINISTERIES (for first timers & others), SCHOOLS, EMBASSIES, AIRLINES, BANKS & OTHER CORPORATE ORGANISATIONS, (SEE INSPIRATIONS MAGAZINE is @ SEE CENTRE, KM 29/30 LEKKI EPE-EXP.WAY, OKO-ADO LEKKI)……FOR ENQUIRIES, FREE WILL SUPPORT/DONATION, PARTNERSHIP & SPONSORSHIP ADVERT PLACEMENT, CALL 0704 6149 164; 0806 925 0586, 0808 080 8763. seeinspirationsmagazine
Posted on: Sun, 19 Jan 2014 19:06:57 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015