SERMON: “”FORGIVING OTHERS” Kathy Hobson Warrensburg UMC, 16 June 2013 – Congregational Book Read, Chapter 3 Matthew 18:15-17;21-22; Romans 12:17;19-21 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen. Well, here we are in our third week of our Congregational Book Read. The first week we talked about asking for and receiving God’s forgiveness. Last week, the sermon reviewed forgiveness in our most intimate relationships—whether that be with our spouse or with a friend. Next week, we’ll be discovering Pastor Hamilton’s take on forgiving family members. But this week, we are focusing on Forgiving Others. I don’t know about you, but I have a fair number of scars on my body. You don’t get very far in life without scars. I have the scar that I got as a really small child when I ran my tricycle into the thorn bush. You probably wouldn’t be able to see it, but I know it’s there on my wrist. Then I have the scar on the inside of my right wrist from when I pushed my hand through a window while playing. I thank God for the use of that hand and the talent of our family physician who stitched together the tendon that was almost severed. On my other hand I have a couple of scars where my cats have clawed me. It is part of the price for letting cats own you. Now, you’ll be glad to know that that’s as far as I’m going to go with my scar list. In fact, I’m not going through this list of scars to play a game of one-up-man-ship with you, nor do I particularly want to hear an itinerary of your scars. But this point is that when you sustain a physical injury, part of the healing process is very often the creation of a scar. And what happens if you ignore a wound: if you don’t clean it, or put ointment on it, or have it stitched up if necessary? Well, we all know the answer to that, don’t we? The wound may scab over. But there’s a very good likelihood that an infection will develop and it will hurt even worse. And if we let it go long enough, eventually it will affect our entire body. Now, we don’t think about this very often, but physical wounds are not the only wounds we sustain during our lifetimes. There are also emotional wounds and yes, spiritual wounds. The summer my father died, I experienced both. That summer I was driving a cab. I was working 24 hours shifts (by choice), one day on and one day off. I didn’t think about my father very much. And I thought that because I was a pastor, I should have a handle on this horrible event that had happened. I thought I was doing just fine, thank you. That is, I thought I was doing just fine until a young man got into my cab. I was taking him to work and it was mid-morning. We talked as I drove as sometimes happened with passengers. When we arrived at the second-hand tire place where he worked, as he was paying me the fare, he said, “I don’t know what has happened to you, but I know that something is terribly wrong. And I know that it’s none of my business. But…if it’s something tires can help to fix, come and see me, and I’ll make sure you’re fixed up just right.” Now, I never saw that young man again. But in that short ride, he was aware enough to know that I was wounded and he offered me what help he could in the form of tires. And that was the beginning of God’s healing of my emotional and spiritual wounds from that summer. Pastor Hamilton has talked about sins in terms of rocks—small, medium, and large—according to the degree of seriousness. But I think that we can also talk about sins in terms of wounds—again, small, medium, and large. And repentance and forgiveness are part of the healing process. He has talked about sin as “straying from the path” as defined in Hebrew, and as “missing the mark” as defined in Greek. And he has talked about the process of repentance: becoming aware in our hearts that we have caused hurt; feeling regret and remorse for our actions; requesting forgiveness from the person we have hurt; being willing to try to change so that we will not cause hurt again. Today, I’d like to talk about what happens when we are the one who has been wounded. Being asked to forgive is like a balm for our wounded soul. As the old spiritual says: There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole, There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin-sick soul. Now, ideally that request for forgiveness would be part of the healing process for our wound. But forgiveness is not always easy. Sometimes we choose not to forgive. And that choice has consequences for us, just as not taking care of a physical wound has consequences for us. According to Pastor Hamilton, withholding forgiveness has negative consequences for every part of our life. Spiritually, withholding forgiveness, being unable to forgive inhibits our relationship with God. Because when we wound our relationship with another person, we also wound our relationship with God. It was not just a fortunate happenstance that Jesus included this phrase in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Jesus knew our relationship with God is affected by our relationship with others. Withholding forgiveness has an emotional consequence as well. There is, of course, the relationship with the person asking for our forgiveness. But also affected are our relationships with persons who are innocent bystanders. All of our other relationships will be affected by the tension that occurs when we withhold forgiveness. One example of this might be children affected by the tensions in a marriage. Their parents may be doing their best to keep their problems from them, but children know when something is wrong in the household, even when they don’t know exactly what is going on. And lastly, there is the physical impact of withholding forgiveness. The negative impacts of holding on to anger have been well documented. Withholding forgiveness can elevate your stress levels and your blood pressure, causing cardiovascular problems. It can lead to anxiety and depression. There is an old saying that goes like this, “Withholding forgiveness is like drinking a bottle of poison and expecting the other person to die.” To withhold forgiveness is to continue to inflict pain upon yourself. Note at that point, YOU are the one inflicting the pain upon yourself! So—withholding forgiveness does not punish the other, but punishes us. But how do we go about forgiving someone? Well, Jesus had some things to say about forgiveness. In our Scripture from Matthew 18, Peter asks the question, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” And Jesus replies, “Not 7, but seventy times seven.” In other words, we should forgive an infinite number of times. In other words, our lives should be characterized by grace. How in the world are we supposed to do that? Pastor Hamilton recommends the mnemonic, R.A.P. which stands for Remember, Assume, and Pray. The first step is to remember our own sins and struggles and shortcomings. We’re not perfect, and when confronted with the need to forgive someone, we need to remember that “there, but for the grace of God, go I.” We need to remember what we ourselves are capable of. The second step is the Assume the best of the other person. We need to Assume that the other person does not have it out for us. That they acted with the best of intentions, even if that hurt us, or that there might be extenuating circumstances for their actions. Pastor Hamilton gives the example of being cut off on the highway and thinking that perhaps that person was trying to get home to a loved one who was sick. The third step is to Pray for the other person. My friend, Raleigh, prays this way when someone has done something needing forgiveness, “God, bless them, and change me.” It’s a very wise prayer, I think. What’s important here is what happens to us when we pray a prayer like that. Over time our heart lets go of the hurt and the anger. These things we have to cultivate; to be able to follow these steps, we may have to try time after time after time after time after time. As Pastor Hamilton said, we may have to chip away at the stone that has been given to us. But what if we’re never asked for forgiveness? After all, the driver that cut us off is not someone we’re likely to encounter ever again. And the other person who hurt us may not see the need for forgiveness. Do we forgive anyway? In the other part of the Scripture, Jesus talks about this. He says if you have a beef with someone in the church, go to that person and try to work it out. If you listen to each other and come to terms, then that person is regained for the church. If that doesn’t work, then take 1-2 witnesses with you to listen to both sides objectively. Perhaps you are in the wrong. If that doesn’t work, bring the issue to the whole church. If the other person still does not listen, then treat them like a Gentile or tax collector. Now, most times churches have interpreted this to mean that the offender was to be treated like a spiritual leper. They were to be exiled spiritually from the church. But Pastor Hamilton asks us to think about how Jesus spent most of his time. He spent most of his time with tax collectors and yes, even Gentiles on occasion. So, in other words, if someone doesn’t ask for forgiveness, treat them like they are persons in need of redemption as we all are. As Paul puts it: “…if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” We are to treat them as one who is in need of redemption just as we are. The burning coals that Paul refers to are not a means to retaliate, but a means to bring about repentance and redemption for that person. The most important part of this process is the recognition that we all need to ask for forgiveness and to give forgiveness. We all need to go through repentance from time to time; we all need to RAP in order to give forgiveness. We all need reconciliation and healing in our lives. All of this is necessary to return us to the path that God intends for us, that path where we will find true joy and freedom. And that is the path to resurrection. And for that, we can give thanks to God. Amen. For Reflection: Everyone here has hurt someone else at one time or another. Everyone here has been hurt by someone else. Whichever is most on your mind this morning, ask God to bring healing and blessing into that person’s life. Ask God to start the reconciliation process in your heart this morning.
Posted on: Mon, 17 Jun 2013 00:19:45 +0000
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