SIBLING RIVALRY Well, what drew my interest to this topic was when I read on a social networking site, how few mothers are experiencing problems in raising siblings. Some siblings are quite lucky enough to become best friends. While the other few do experience some or the other problem with our sibling during the growing up process. Problems and tussles like this that we experience are technically termed as sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters. It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more than two children. Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up in a family. Its important to be aware of how powerful sibling rivalry can become. If sibling rivalry becomes a persistent problem, its worthwhile tackling it before it gets out of control. Research shows that often, sibling rivalry starts even before the second child is born, and continues as the children grow and compete for everything from toys to attention. Some common reactions to a new baby includes - A common cause of sibling rivalry is a new baby in the family. Other children may show these signs: 1. Showing anger toward the baby (hitting, kicking, punching, biting) 2. Asking for the baby to go back in mothers tummy or back to the hospital. 3. Demanding more attention when the parent is with the baby. 4. Some degree of emotional disturbance usually following the birth. As parents, we say that we treat our children equally but, in reality, it is not possible to do so. If such kind of rivalry is not dealt in a proper manner, the fighting between brothers and sisters is filled with physical and psychological aggression which traumatizes them and can lead to depression, anxiety and anger. Signs of Sibling Rivalry Children under 9 years of age may show these signs: 1. Fighting (verbal or physical attack). 2. Demanding attention. 3. Frustration. 4. Regressive acts such as bed wetting, baby talk, temper tantrums etc. Older children may show these signs: 1. Constant arguing. 2. Competing for friends, grades or in sports. 3. Taking out their frustration on objects, pets or other people. It is not necessary to get perplexed with this situation. Believe it or not, sibling rivalry is a natural phenomenon. However, what is important to know what causes it. Let’s uncover few common causes of sibling rivalry. 1. Attention – this is far most the most important factor of conflict between siblings. Children are always yearning for parents love, affection and time. When there’s a new baby, it can be hard for the other child to accept losing his or her position as the center of attention. If your child is acting out and misbehaving, then he or she is doing so to get your attention as they’re feeling ignored. 2. Sharing – is one principle which we follow and have been following from ages. But giving up a toy or other favorite possession to a sibling can be especially hard on young children. 3. Comparison – no two siblings can be alike, even twins are not completely alike. Every child has his own set of personality, interest, aptitude and often as a parent knowingly or unknowingly we land up praising and appreciating one child and forget about the other. This leads to a state of comparison. Moreover, an age and gender difference also brings forth sibling fights. 4. Jealousy – comparison always results in a feeling of jealousy. Siblings start feeling jealous of each other. If mother is taking care of need of one child, the other child feels neglected and develops negative feeling for his/her brother or sister. 5. Proximity of age - if you have children who are close together in age, it could stimulate sibling rivalry. This is because you will have to give the children the same kind of attention. This makes it easier for them to compare the care you give to each, and find subtle differences. 6. Gender- a son may hate his sister because his father seems more gentle with her. On the other hand, a daughter may feel that her parents love her brother more as he has more freedom than her. Any of the above mentioned causes can be found in one or the other sibling. However, there might be few who will be non-expressive kinds. They would be piling up with emotions deep down inside them but will never be upfront and expressive about it. In a situation like this try to unfold the non – verbal gestures of your child such as has your child staying aloof lately? Is the child performing activity in solitary? Is he/she is not coming up and sharing things with you as he/she was doing before? Even though these things might sound as a process of growing up (as we commonly hear this from our own parents and grandparents), they might have some serious repercussion in the process of development. To continue reading about the repercussions and solutions click on the link below - psychologistanam/training-workshop
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 09:57:12 +0000
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