!!!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!!! John and I are ecstatic to tell you we are having a baby....GIRL! How surreal this truly is. I remember vividly the day we were told we couldnt conceive naturally. It was one of the saddest days I faced on this journey. I went through 5 doctors, had countless blood draws, 13 cycles of provera, 9 cycles of 150mg of clomid, 2 cycles of Femera, HCG shots, 4 failed IUIs and doctor visits had become as demanding as putting food on our table. It was heartbreaking, exhausting, and a time in my life I found it hard to find courage. The day before mothers day, 2014 I found out our latest attempt didnt work...I was devastated. Truth is the problem was me. I was the one who was..well...defective. Its funny how someone can appear so normal from the outside but be so broken on the inside. May 12, I literally fell to my knees. And with tears streaming down my face, I prayed like I never had before. I remember telling God I was done doing this my way, that I was done with all medicine, all doctors, all everything. I was putting ALL my trust in him. That if it was meant for my womb to open up he would do so, if not I knew he would place a little boy or girl in our future to adopt. And for the first time in my life I felt...free. Self acceptance is the first step to loving your self. I knew I was just as beautiful as any other woman. I began to I forgive myself for not being able to be a mother. I forgave myself for feeling not good enough I forgave myself for feeling like I couldnt give my husband what I felt he deserved...a family of our own. Ill have you know.. June 9, I found out I was pregnant.. NATURALLY. Call it whatever youd like. Ive heard it all. You relaxed! You stopped trying maybe it was all those things..but truth is...it WAS God.Moral of this story is he does have a plan. For you, me , everyone. At times like these it is difficult to understand why things happen the way they do. I know first hand. I share this story because behind every broken person there awaits a miracle. .behind John and I there is a miracle. ..and we call her Tinley Grace. Tinley Grace I love you more then words could ever explain. You were worth every fear and doubt I ever had. You are so precious to me and I can not wait to be your mommy. I will never give up on you and I will guide you to the best of my ability. Thank you for showing me whats its like to walk through rain just to enjoy the sunshine. Thank you for being my angel. And thank you for making my troubles melt like lemon drops.xoxo
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 17:48:48 +0000
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