STACEY UPDATE #18 I have received my MRI results! The doctors couldnt find anything cancerous...looks like I am going to live! I am still experiencing pain in my abdomen and back pain quite a bit ...they do not know what is causing it so I am not quite out of the woods yet... but I am hopeful. I will need MORE testing, see more specialists and perhaps even exploratory surgery. My illness REALLY took a toll on me and my attitude! I have had a very tough time being sick...there were many times...I just wanted to die. I have experienced EVERY emotion on the spectrum in the past 7 months! lol I have experienced pain. I have experienced suffering. I have experienced hatred. I have experienced jealousy. I have experienced self doubt. I have experienced worry. I have experienced near death. I have experienced starvation. I have experienced weakness. I have experienced helplessness. I have experienced hopelessness. I have experienced insecurity. I have experienced betrayal. I have experienced sadness. I have experienced loss. I have experienced 5 deaths. I have experienced cancer and its effects. I have experienced heart break. I have experienced frustration. I have experienced aggravation. I have experienced loneliness. I have experienced mental anguish. I have experienced poverty. I have experienced suspicion. I have experienced rejection. And I even experienced a little crazy! lol But it wasnt ALL bad! I DID have an Angel by my side who loved me unconditionally and kept whispering to my heart and soul...You can do it! Through my Angel... Ive experienced happiness! Ive experienced the spirit of giving! Ive experienced caring and sharing! Ive experienced appreciation! Ive experienced laughter! Ive experienced beautiful smiles! Ive experienced falling in love! Ive experienced celebrating life! Ive experienced how to bake bread! Ive experienced compassion! Ive experienced generosity! Ive experienced pleasure! Ive experienced beautiful people! Ive experienced the sacrifice for others! Ive experienced intimacy! Ive experienced the understanding of unconditional love! That being said... I would like to express my gratitude to the following people: Thank you Earl Bentivoglio Chantal Doucet) for paying my rent for the 2 months when I was hospitalized. For the rides to and from doctors, groceries, meds, boost, iphone charger, and $500 to pay down my credit card! Thank you Quinten Bailey for sending me $200 last month and another $180 this month! I managed to pay my rent! Thank you Rob Wilson for sending me $50 last month...it REALLY helped me with my bills! As most of you know...I am not a big fan when it comes to asking for help. I would love nothing more than to get back on my feet again and start paying my own way! My biggest challenge is my credit card. It is maxed out. I cannot afford to pay the overhead for my business to get it going again! I would LOVE to pay it off so that I can start moving towards a better, stress free, self-sufficient life! DONATIONS: If anyone is interested in sending me a donation to help support my cause until I am able to get back on my feet again, you can send an interac email to [email protected] Thank you ALL in advance! (if this is a loan...please stipulate in a private message) ALL will be accepted! I WILL recover...and I WILL get my business up and running again in spite of my challenges! I DO NOT want to collect welfare nor disability for the rest of my life...I refuse to be a burden to anyone or myself anymore! But I WILL NEED your help please. My immediate goal is to clear my credit card ($3400) so that I am able to start making money online again. I KNOW I CAN DO IT! Thank you Karina Ackert and Mark St. Germaine for being there as my voice, for being there that Saturday and rushing me to the hospital, for visiting daily...even when it was inconvenient, for your friendship, for the food, the gifts, the compassion that you gave to me! I appreciate you! Thank you Julie for visiting, taking the ambulance ride with me and your friendship! Thank you Marion McKenzie for the visits, your friendship and the Healing Stones! ( I held them tightly whenever it was needle time! lol) Thank you Mitch Boivin for the visits and friendship! Thank you Lillian Whittaker and Kevin Kelly for your visits, support, petticure, errands and friendship! Thank you Sandra Harvey-Parent and Gerald for the attempted visit (sorry), the food, visit at home! Thank you James Smith for delivering my babies to Kim! Thank you Mark Parry ( Natalie Smith) for your visits, gifts and undying friendship! Thank you Beatrice Boyer for the visits, errands, wheelchair and your friendship! Thank you Terrill Leclair for the visits, gifts(bandanas) and rekindled friendship! Thank you Darren Richardson for the visit and rekindled friendship! Thank you Hala Deek and Lee Ann Wilkinson for the visits, food and friendship! Thank you Elena Ienzi for the visits, food, gift (angel0, the ride home from the hospital and your friendship! Thank you Donna Caruso and Dawn Bowles for the visit and gifts (tv and glasses), and your friendship! Thank you Genia Berestetsky for the visit and friendship! Thank you Tracey Guindon and Renée Guindon for the visits and food! Thank you Gary Abbott and Adam Dow for the visit and friendship! Thank you Elisabeth Witteveen Steele for the visit and your friendship! Thank you Peter Parker for the visit! Thank you Carla Bolling for the visit and pedicure! Thank you Rich Bowie for the visit and your friendship! Thank you Dawn Bonacci for the visit, gift(little pug) and your friendship! MOST of all....I would like to thank Kimberley Amanda P. for being there EVERY step of the way! Without you...I surely would have never been able to get through all of this! You brightened up my every day with your beautiful smile! you did my laundry, you visited daily, you brought me good food, you comforted me when I was in pain, you lifted my spirits when I was down, you always had kind and encouraging words for me, you were the wind beneathe my wings, you put up with my negativity, you were my shoulder to cry on and my rock to hold on to, you took great care of my puppies even though you have allergies, you fought my battles for me when I was weak, you stopped me from giving up on myself, you touched my very heart and soul with your compassion, you made sacrifices ( so many of them) just to make sure that I was taken care of, all of the money and time spent on traveling back and forth by bus, you showed me how to love unconditionally without casting judgments, you taught me that it is ok to love again even though there are no guarantees in life. You juggled your already busy life to help accommodate my needs to ensure my full recovery! Even with a full time job, 3 pets of your own and a beautiful little girl...you STILL took in my puppies and STILL made room for me! I can only imagine what you went through! GACK! Thank you Kim! You helped me to understand the true meaning of LOVE...THE GIVING OF ONE SELF...expecting nothing in return. Even though I had a lot of negative emotional baggage...you chose to love and care for me when nobody else would. I will ALWAYS love you for what you have done for me! I thank you from the deepest part of my heart and soul! Thank you so much for being there..through the good times and the bad! I REALLY appreciate you! Youre the BEST! FIXING ME: I have had a lot of time and new experiences over the past 6-7 months that have forced me to start to re-evaluate my life and who I am. I have had quite a journey over the past 7 months! Although I have suffered...I have learned some very powerful life lessons! I have had a lot of time alone ...and have been able to analyze and explore my inner self. I have discovered that....I dont really like me! HaHa! I have allowed my illness to over-power my thoughts and emotions in a very negative way! I have destroyed relationships because of my negativity.and insecurities. I have spiraled myself so deep into darkness that I had lost all hope! Lashing out at the people I care and love most. Yesterday...I discovered myself. I NEED to move on! I NEED to STOP FEEDING THE MONSTER! How can I have a joyful and positive life...continuing on the same old path??? There is NOTHING wrong with this world....the problem lies with ME! TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW LIFE! NO MORE feeling sorry for myself! NO MORE excuses! No MORE negativity! NO MORE complaining! NO MORE criticizing! NO MORE jealousy! NO MORE insecurities! NO MORE unacceptable behavior! NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE! I have DECIDED to ELIMINATE negativity from my life! NO MORE NEGATIVITY! For those of you who have enjoyed my posts on EVERYTHING that is WRONG with this world- the government, animal and child abuse, politics, killings, police brutality, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that affects yours and my thoughts in a negative way....I BID YOU FAREWELL. The REASON why I was having a problem with negativity is because of ALL my past experiences! I have allowed the negative to not only take control of my mind and heart....it has taken control of my destiny! I need to clear ALL of it out of my body, heart and soul. It is IMPOSSIBLE to attract GOOD things in life,,,when you are ALWAYS focused on the bad! It has gotten to the point that any uncomfortable experience I have today....triggers a bad experience from my past...allowing those old negative emotions to take over the new experiences of today. INSANITY! I have never dealt with these emotions in the past...and i BELIEVE they are holding me back from my future! Those of you who know me well enough...also know that I have had a very hard time in my past to express my feelings. The words...I LOVE YOU....have never really left my lips. Why???? Why has it been so hard for me to say these 3 words all my life??? How retarded is it that when someone says it to me....I feel uncomfortable??? My own family has NEVER heard it slip from my lips. How many relationships have I destroyed because I wasnt able to voice these 3 simple words... NO MORE! LOVE is the MOST powerful emotion of all...it literally fixes EVERYTHING! LOVE is CREATION! LOVE is POSITIVE! LOVE conquers ALL! I WANT IT. TODAY I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A BETTER ME! I will be spending my time exploring my spirituality, meditating, learning, building my business, focusing on positive stuff and healing. EVEN THOUGH.... I HAVE ALL OF THIS NEGATIVE CONDITIONING LOCKED IN MY DNA AND NEGATIVE BELIEFS STORED IN MY CELLULAR MEMORY...STOPPING ME FROM BECOMING WHO I TRULY AM AND BLOCKING ME FROM MY POWER AND POTENTIAL TO CREATE THE LIFE I WANT TO LIVE .. .I CHOOSE TO LOVE AND ACCEPT ALL OF ME. INSTEAD... I CHOOSE TO DOWNLOAD AND ABSORB NEW POSITIVE PROGRAMMING FROM UNIVERSAL INTELLIGENCE INTO MY DNA AND CELLULAR MEMORY THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO FINALLY CREATE AND LIVE THE LIFE I TRULY DESIRE AND DESERVE! In closing... I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to EVERYONE and ANYONE that I have hurt or offended in any way! My heart was always in the right place...and my intentions were good even if I messed up! My PROMISE to you ALL is to strive daily to BECOME the BEST person that I can possibly become! TODAY.....IS THE BEGINNING.....OF MY NEW LIFE!
Posted on: Mon, 01 Dec 2014 23:25:50 +0000
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