SUNDAY SERMON FROM THE IRREVERND: What I want to talk to you about today has been on my mind for quite some time. It’s always been a bone of contention between Annie and I, as she is one way and, of course, I’m the other. It’s been a quizzical thing for me over the years, and I wonder why so many are so that way. Families are that way; nations are that way. Wars are fought because of it; fortunes have been made and lost for this reason. Poets and politicians speak of it constantly, and our daily lives are either enhanced or menaced by it. Okay, do I have everyone’s attention? I can see you thinking; what the hell is the Irreverend up to now? Let me keep you in suspense a little longer by telling you about an experience I had several weeks ago. I got this friend request from a young woman. She had several mutual friends, most of them I had never met before. I accepted her request and we became friends. I don’t normally cruise my friend’s walls, and usually stay on the public forum; but this young woman had an unusually beautiful last name, so I went to her wall to investigate. I found nothing. She had closed up her wall so much, the only thing I saw was “ask.” It puzzled me. I went on several other walls to see if anyone shared anything anymore. An alarming percentage of people are very closed on their Facebook pages, even though I am friends with them on Facebook. It almost verified what I have been suspecting; and I want to talk to you about today. That’s trust. Was my young woman with the beautiful last name so afraid of hackers, stalkers, and otherwise unsavory people who cruise Facebook in search of unsuspecting people to take advantage of, or was she so egoistical to assume that she was that much better than everyone else, and didn’t have the time to lower herself to us underlings. It could be a little bit of both in her case. Generally though, it’s a fear of others; of being taken advantage of; losing something or being hurt. Or is it just a female thing, where women don’t want to be bothered or harassed by dirty old men such as myself, who ogle and gawk to satisfy some prurient interest. I don’t know, and I would like some feedback about it. But it disturbs me, and makes me sad that we have to be so closed. What don’t we trust? What do we think will happen to us if we do trust, and find we’re wrong about someone? Have we become so hurt and so calloused, that we feel absolutely everyone is out to get us? I want to change that. If this is beginning to ring a bell with you, maybe we can talk about it this morning. Let me give you some ideas on how I feel about it, and some things we can do to build trust, so that people can feel safe and be real with us. First of all, I think trust is the heart of all relationships, and probably the most fragile. More than once I’ve heard my clients say, “I’ve trusted once, I’m never going to trust again!” I doubt that to be completely true, but it shows you that most people are very sensitive about it. I have to tell you up front, that the only way you can trust people, is to trust them. Read that last sentence again; we’ll go from there. Look at the actions of other people before you decide if you can trust them or not. If they are kind to others and they seem reliable, then it’s likely they will treat you in that same way, too. However, be wary of people who are mean or critical, or who talk about others, or are unpredictable. Trust yourself to cope if someone lets you down. We’ve all been disappointed and betrayed by other people. Have the confidence to know that you will manage, and survive!! I think we need to recognize the value of trusting others, and building some meaningful relationships. If you never let others get close to you, then you’ll always feel lonely and empty inside. Have a variety of people you can trust. You can trust different people with different aspects of yourself. That may not be as risky for you. I think it’s okay to take your time and give trust slowly, and let others prove themselves a bit. Trust them with small things, then bigger things. To be trusting, I think also you have to be trustworthy. You have to be reliable and do what you say. This is absolutely crucial for establishing trust. It’s a case where actions speak louder than words. Unless you’re hit by a truck or your house burns down, do everything you can to follow through on your commitments. Even if it’s fairly minor, don’t cancel or postpone. Don’t lie! The second thing I wanted to do in my recovery (the first was to stay sober), was to always and forever be honest. It’s surprising easy to lie. I’m a professional at it; most addicts are. Being a solitary drinker takes a lot of covering up, a lot of slight-of-hand, so to speak. Lying gets us out of trouble, and makes us look good. But you know, those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. And nothing makes us more untrustworthy, than getting caught in a lie. Those who know me well, know I will not lie to them. One last thing: A secret…is a secret…is a secret. Don’t ever share what’s shared with you in confidence. Don’t allow yourself to gossip, even if it’s hard at times. A person who’s discreet is truly valued by others. You’ll have a stellar reputation and be seen as a true friend. I deal with confidentiality all the time in my business, and I’m becoming more like that in my personal life. My role model for that concept was my dear departed friend, Denny Chalupa. He was a master of keeping things to himself, and always talked about other people in general terms and in a kind manner. It’s no wonder he was a successful attorney and confidant to some of Iowa’s most influential people. In other words, you could trust him, and I did. Okay, I don’t expect all of to have the wall I have on Facebook. And if you ask me anything about myself, you can be sure that I’ll probably tell you. But if you fear all the time that someone is invading your privacy, then it may be a good idea for you not to be here. If you’re unwilling to share, then you miss the point of a social network. But in the end, I don’t want you to be afraid and mistrustful all the time. That’s no way to live. Think of the worst thing that can happen in a situation. Most of the time, it’s not nearly as bad as you anticipate. One more time, the only way you can trust people is to trust them. Thanks for letting me ramble. I love you and hope we all can be here next week.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 13:04:09 +0000
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