Sam Black Wolf Solesbee I am fierce, forgiving, and I see through the different shades of a persons light and dark. Some things that I see, others would rather I didnt see...and sometimes I wish I didnt see too. As we get older we are more cautious with who we trust and who we let into the deepest caverns of our soul. I dont think a person is ever locked in completely where they can say or do anything and then ask forgiveness. There is always an action or words that can be done or said that will cause a person to instantly shut down. There is always a line that can be crossed that will make a person stop in their tracks and say enough! We were once naïve and more reckless with our actions and words. We were once innocent and aloof and didnt weigh out the repercussions for our actions but in time we realized that we had lost precious time and energy throwing caution into the wind and running into brick walls time and time again. We started filtering through our thoughts and processing the fact that time will surely someday dwindle away and that we should exert energy into everything that brings forth some type of good reaction. I once gave love away freely and I realized that although love never runs out, the pain of being hurt by those who didnt love back, or mocked at love, did cause permanent damage and scars. So I just learned to love sometimes without reciprocation and those who didnt love back got loved at a distance and sometimes they got a middle finger too. Seeing past the outer layers of a persons shell showed me that there are always reasons that some people cant love back. They once did, perhaps...but had been burned by the fires of rejection or violence...or one of the millions of sparks, that the flames of life, throws into the air. Loving or accepting love is a choice and who we love is a choice...or should be. We all have different reasons for loving whether it be instant gratification, humanitarian reasons, to stack rewards in heaven, because God said to, to be loved in return, to make someone not feel unloved because we know what that feels like and dare not to have anyone feel that way...and sometimes we love because it feels perfect. PERFECT. It is given freely and it is reciprocated and this amazing, indescribable feeling of bliss and warmth and acceptance...and HUGE, healing waves of power and light and delight seem to wash over and drown out everything bad that ever existed. It is amazing. It is better than any drug or any drink or any sensation experienced before and thats when everything else begins to make sense. I watched my parents divorce after 30+ years of marriage and something inside me changed...over time. At first, it made me feel like nothing lasts forever...and what is the use of even trying. Then it became an obsession to figure out the answers of love. I always knew I didnt want an ordinary love. No stale, dying, watered down love for me. I didnt want a typical love that people or events, or financial struggle, or nothing of this world could shake. So I took all of the information and diaries of broken marriages and broken hearts and self recollection and made this blue print of the way I wanted love to fit in my life. I crumbled it ALL up and I threw it in a waste basket. For 5 years I only thought about me and my heart and my past and my future and my desires, my mistakes, my gains, my hopes, me me me and then I analyzed all of the love I had watched in my lifetime...I decided that I would be fine if love never came around again. Thats when it CAME. It showed up making everything else I had ever felt seem so weak and even invisible. It is the kind of love that makes you sit and shake your head and say to yourself...what was I even thinking in the past? It is the kind of love that people would fight, steal, and cheat for. It is the type of love that some never even get the chance to experience. It doesnt matter to me if nobody else in the world likes it, or if nobody understands...or if some pen pushing, money hungry politician thinks it should or shouldnt exist.....or if I would even be threatened and disemboweled by some of my closest peers that disagree. All I ever wanted was to love completely and be loved completely and we are!! If it is my soul that some fear for, thank you. But it couldnt hurt my soul any more if God Himself punished me for loving and being loved than it does for some of the people that I hold closest to my heart to Bash me and my partner or try to manipulate my life and set up some kind of arranged resurrection of a horribly failed relationship that died many years ago. I wont run or hide or cower ever again. Just remember that hate multiplies just as fast, if not faster than love and whatever we put out, comes back on us ten fold. , Sam~ Only God can judge me now. ~Tupac Shakur
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 12:02:50 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015