Santa Clause’s letter 2014. It is with the upmost regrets, that I write this letter. Please ignore the hot spiced hard cider and cookie crumbs stains on the paper. I Santa Clause, regret to inform you that effective December 24, 2014, I will no longer be able to serve the entire United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming burdensome rules and regulations from the Obama administration, plus the added restrictions and regulations of Obamacare, I had to cut back the working hours of all my Elves to under 30. Plus the Elf workers contracts were re-negotiated, by the North American Reindeer and Elves union, Local 209, a socialistic bunch of communist sympathizers ... So as of Christmas eve, December 24, 2014, I will only be serving certain north American areas, in order to not work the Elf staff or reindeer more then 25 hours per week to avoid going bankrupt from paying fines. I have chosen not to serve those areas that voted heavily for Obama again in 2012. Those of you idiots who voted ‘twice’ for Obama, told me you just love long lines and inefficiency. So the job of being Santa in all the area’s that supported that little jerk Obama, who ain’t getting shit again this year, will now be handled with the same efficiency the government provides your stupid uninformed ass in other areas. For all you Obama voters, you should expect your Winter Solstice gifts, sometime around late February or early April, but no later then the 4 th of July, but since it is on a Saturday maybe the 6 th of July... To check and see when your area is scheduled for a visit, sign on your computer at WWW.WE.R.SANTA.NOW.OBAMA.GOV .... Good Luck with that one ... For those of Y’all in the southern half of the U.S.A. your children will be in good hands, I will handle what I can and all the rest of the job will be my third cousin, twice removed, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole, and Bubba shares my goal of delivering toys to all good boys and girls however, there are a few differences between us. They are as follows: 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads This sleigh insured by Smith & Wesson. 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers children to leave RC cola and a moon pie. 3. Bubbas sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer and his sleigh has Yosemite Sam mud flaps with the words Back Off.. 4. Ho, Ho, Ho! has been replaced by Yee Haw! And you also are likely to hear Bubbas helper elves respond I heard dat! 5. Bubba Claus also works as a Plummer so if I were you, Id make sure that the wife and kids turn the other way when he bends over to put the presents under the tree. 6. And finally, lovely Christmas songs such as Bubba Shot the Jukebox and Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer will be played repeatedly on radio stations all over the South, as usual again this year. I know that some of you, are good, at being bad? Santa likes that baby doll... Grin Merry Christmas ... Keep Your Powder Dry ... Santa
Posted on: Sun, 21 Dec 2014 14:09:06 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015