Saturday November 8th - Smile By Carol Buzalsky — 30 minutes ago Mom is staying true to her pattern and is such a determined person. Her vitals the last two days have remained normal with the exception of a few spikes in her temperature. Her urine output slowed down yesterday and today. When mom does open her eyes she moans and cries. We are unsure if this is from sadness, pain or both. Because we do not want her to be uncomfortable her pain medications have been increased, which of course means she opens her eyes less and less. Its been very difficult to not see that beautiful smile the last two days as we just have not been able to coax one from her. Tonight brought tears to my eyes as I looked at Nathan her Grandson when he smiled and realized that he has moms beautiful smile and eyes. Her kindness, generosity, faith, determination and smiles will carry on through him. I got to the hospital very early this morning and was with mom until tonight. I just cant get enough of sitting by her side, holding her hand, comforting her and reading her Bible verses. Some verses are read through the tears. I try to accept what has happened to mom and her family that is losing her by following in my moms footsteps of taking what life deals us, dealing with it and keeping on keeping on. I can only hope that I can make her proud in the remainder of my life by living as kindly and graciously as she did. Marlene and I enjoyed room service French toast breakfast in moms room this morning, and yes for hospital food it isnt all that bad! Cousin Dee spent most of the day with us too. Dad was at the hospital as well. DeAnn and Nathan arrived late this morning about the same time that Kim and Madison did. On Wednesday of this week friends of mine brought over a homemade frozen lasagna, all the makings for a salad, garlic bread, plates, forks, and mini cupcakes. It worked out perfectly as all of it was easy to prepare and bring to the waiting room so we could all eat together. And best of all it was really really tasty. Thanks Shauna and Billi for your generosity. My wonderful friend Dawn was kind enough to bring me lunch/supper late afternoon on Friday. Friday was a day I just didnt have an appetite so when she first offered I actually said I didnt need anything and then realized that even if I didnt eat much I needed some food and I needed a hug most of all. Marie Fillipi and LaDonna Bannach stopped by to see mom this afternoon and to give us all great big hugs. DeAnn and Kim went back to Grand Forks. JR, Marlene and I have Madison and Nathan at our house with us. Nathan and Madison have been shooting pool for a few hours now and can have a great slumber party downstairs tonight. Hopefully the giggles wont keep the older people of the house awake tonight! Its hard to explain the emotions this past week of watching mom have extreme pain from the C Diff infection, have intense seizures and having to make all these decisions regarding her care. Should we do this, should we do that. Trying the tube feedings to only see her in more pain was indescribable but making the decision to stop them permanently was devastating. Especially as we sit by her side and see how peaceful she looks when the pain medications are looking and her face looks normal it is so easy to second guess those decisions. Many months ago I commented that mom was in a catch 22 a fix for one thing created a problem in another. Its hard to believe that after fighting this illness for so long the catch 22 continued for our dear Judy. With the C Diff the way to cure that is to take her off antibiotics preventing the staph infection. If we put her back on the antibiotics for staph the C Diff comes back. And the circle goes round and round. If there was a solution to these infections the next question is the impact of the seizures to moms cognitive functioning and the amount of medication she is needs to prevent the seizures. I could keep going on and on regarding the complex case that mom is but it leads back to a no win situation and the miracle we had all prayed for wasnt what God had in his plans for Judy. I try to find peace by thinking that my mom will soon be a wonderful Angel up in heaven watching over all of us with a great big smile on her face all the time and enjoying a body free of the pain she has endured.
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 03:06:15 +0000
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