Saturday morning/afternoon. Such a happy kid full of smiles and laughter. Im blessed beyond words. Four years ago while I was still an expecting mommy... I wondered whether I would have a son or a daughter and what he or she was gonna look like, what kind of personality my baby would have, how much hair or none at all. lol, my babys eye color, wondered how much sleep I would lose at night. haha, imagined how many boo boos Id have to kiss, the first words, first steps, etc.. I can remember hoping first for a baby boy and then I wanted a girl. Then would come the day where they asked me if I wanted to know my babys gender and when I said yes the radiology tech doing my ultrasound said. It looks like youre having a boy. I was filled with joy when I knew I was gonna have a son. That was when the anxiousness really got started. I still had 5 months until my due date.. then eventually August 20, 2010 I got induced, well the night before actually.. After more than 24 hours of being in the hospital I got to meet my son.. when our eyes met, thats all it took... Back then I was discovering things about him and still am after 3 and a half years. It amazing watching my child grow and learn. So many changes have taken place just within the first three and a half years. Im thankful God chose Nathaniel for my son. I didnt know I could have children and for at least five years or so. when I actually tried with my ex, while we were married, and maybe that was Gods way of saying no. I must admit that yes Nathaniel was conceived unexpectedly because I was still under the assumption that I could and would not have a baby. Yes, I was a sinner and I backslid and wanted what I wanted and did what I did. I made a few mistakes and I did not care but by Gods grace, His forgiveness and that unexpected blessing/miracle He placed into my life He changed my life and my heart. It took me 6 months, 3 years ago to this very day, to realize it was time to stop living in my sinful ways. My Savior never left, not once, but sometimes He allows things to happen so that people will change their ways of living. All it takes is prayer and willingness to change. Making the change and making better choices about my life so I can be closer to God is the best choice Ive made. 3 years ago, waking up and walking away from what I realized was wrong. It wasnt just about me anymore. It was about God, Nathaniel and me. Sometimes ya just have to walk out of a situation and it was such a relief and a huge burden taken off of me instantly... then prayer and rededicating my life, going back to work, going back to school for a better education, saying no when whether tempted or not, etc... it all makes sense and it makes a difference when you choose to stop living the way you want. Its called being selfless, not selfish. I just had this on my heart and so here it is.. If youre ever in a situation where you know youre wrong or just in a sinful situation and youre unsure about it... just simply pray. God listens, He hears and He knows your heart and your thoughts before you pray to Him. ..and He answers accordingly... :))
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 19:11:17 +0000
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